{twenty thirteen}

I plan to.........

1. Take more pictures.

2. Try to be more of a planner-in-advance-er.

3. Start using eye cream.  

4. Savor the moment when someone underestimates me.

5. Infuse more color into my wardrobe.

6. Worry less.
7. Blog more.

8. Three words: Spontaneous road trip.

9. Stop trying to please everyone else.

10. Pour my heart into what pleases me.

11. Cherish the little things. Because they truly are the big things. 
12. Enjoy more mornings where you reminisce about the night before.
13. Know the best is yet to come.

Happy New Year!

The other firsts.

There are certain moments that I clearly remember being so excited for as a parent.
And I'm talking about aside from the typical moments you are supposed to be excited....the first smile, first giggle, first steps, etc.

I remember I couldn't WAIT until my kids could color.  So weird, I know.  But still....for whatever reason, I was excited about that.  Do you even know how many coloring books I bought once they understood the concept?  
And the crayons, seriously the CRAYONS I BOUGHT. 
8 packs, 16 packs, 48 pack with the sharpener, Disney character shaped ones, the triangular shaped ones, washable ones, glitter ones.....
Crayola, you're welcome.

I couldn't wait until they could sit up on their own so they could sit in the grocery cart by themselves.  Ok, this was more of a selfish reason.  I hated bringing that big bulky car seat carrier into the store and trying to squish all my groceries around it.  The baby almost always ended up holding the bread on his lap.

The day each of my kids could buckle themselves into their own carseat???  
Pretty sure no matter where you were in this country, you heard me screaming shouts of joy.

Recently, I crossed another one off my list: My kids watched Home Alone.  
I mean....really watched it.  I've tried to show it to them in years past but they were just too young to really "get" it and enjoy it.  
But this year?  Totally got it.  It was the BEST.

They crawled in in my bed, all fresh out of the shower and in their jammies, we popped popcorn and snuggled in.  And the way they LAUGHED....swear I will never forget that sound.

Well, we are off to spend an island christmas with my family.  You can follow our little adventure on my Facebook page. If I remember to post there, of course. And I just got with the times and created a McMommy instagram account (@mcmommyblog) so you can follow me there as well.  I can hardly wait to show you pictures of my nails...because the beauty is in the details.  

Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to everyonnnnnnnnne!!!

Because it still hurts.

Incomprehensible pain.

One of the news websites used those two words as a headline of one of the Sandy Hook stories it was reporting on.  

Friday's event was truly a pain no parent ever wants to be able to comprehend.  

It was a loss so devastating on so many levels, but at its very core for many of us, a loss so grievous because each of those children's parents did something so normal, so routine that morning:  They sent their child to school.

As a parent, all we ever try to do is protect our children.  

From the moment we discover we are pregnant, it's prenatal vitamins, monthly doctor's visits, and steering clear of litter boxes and lunch meats.

From the moment our newborn is placed in our arms, it's putting tiny hats on their heads to protect their body temperature, placing them to sleep on their back to protect from SIDS, and washing their tiny clothes in special detergent to make sure nothing irritates their delicate skin.

We enforce wearing helmets when riding bikes, washing dirty hands before eating, and sunblock at the beach even when it's cloudy.

Then one morning you send your child to kindergarten.  

And they do not come home.

The pain is incomprehensible.

It hurts me that the tragedy of Sandy Hook makes me have more patience with my own children.  That it reminded me to give them more out of the blue hugs and kisses.  I feel guilty because shouldn't those things come naturally to me as a parent all of the time?  

But the truth is, no it doesn't.  Because life gets in the way. 

Homework must get done. Messes must be cleaned up. Manners must be taught to little boys who like to make inappropriate sounds with their armpits at the dinner table. 

And in those moments? You forget about having patience. You aren't even sure you remember when you last had it.  Maybe patience is rolling around the third row of the minivan with the stale happy meal fries and that library book that should have been returned three weeks ago.   

But then suddenly on a random Friday morning, you find patience.
And gratitude to be able to give your child a kiss goodnight.
And fear of the cold realization that you are never going to be able to fully protect your precious baby the way you want.

None of us want the horror of a treacherous event like Friday to remind us to give spontaneous hugs and kisses.  I'd much prefer the gentle reminders of Anna Quindlen.

But those little (and big) lives lost on December 14th were not in vain.
The pain of their loss will forever be incomprehensible.
But the love they have flooded this nation with over the past five days is immeasurable.

And perhaps most importantly, palpable.

{love and prayers for heaven's newest angels}

Then my phone went and made it art.

Seriously, I died laughing with this one....

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

Come Fly with Me: An Airplane Party!

(This post circa 2010 is being re-published by special request....enjoy!)

This post is for every parent out there who is googling “airplane birthday party” right now.

Hello, and welcome!

See, I was in your shoes about two months ago.
We always do family birthday parties but when my soon to be 6 year old son asked me for a birthday party with his classmates, my heart got all kinds of guilty.
And so I caved.  (Sucker.)
He wanted to invite all the boys from his class over to our small house.  (Gulp.)
And he wanted a birthday all about AIRPLANES!  (Someone fill my wine glass and then get me to Google.)

Well you know what I quickly found out? 
Good luck with that airplane theme.
BECAUSE NO ONE HAS AIRPLANE ANYTHING! 

Humor me and try going to Party City or some other birthday site right now. 
Toy Story 3 theme? 
You got it!  Buzz Lightyear to the birthday rescue!
Star Wars? 
Sure thing! How many Darth Vader masks do you need? 200? No problem!
Airplanes? 
SOR-RY. You lose.

But not today, my friends.
Today you do not lose. 
Because today? You found this blog.
Today you get all my airplane birthday theme ideas.  TODAY YOU WIN!!!!

#1—Invitations
What’s a better invite for an airplane party than an…AIRPLANE TICKET!!

Invites were made for me by this Etsy shop I found.  For a fun finishing touch, I mailed in an Air Mail envelope.

#2—Decorations
I kept the decor simple. 
I made airplane signs such as “Check-in”, “Baggage Claim”, “Ground Transportation”, etc.  This website with common airport travel signs was extremely helpful.  



We did a “Runway” table with simple black tablecloth and white duct tape.

  

Here’s a super fun decoration idea!  Hang inflatable airplanes from the fan.
Then turn the fan on the slowest speed. Watch the airplanes “fly”.
And now watch your kid’s face light up from the awesome-ness that is your party decoration.


#3—Games
My games were old school with an airplane twist.  There is a reason old school games stand the test of time….they are so simple yet the kids LOVE them!

Some airplane games we played were:
- “Pilot, Pilot, Plane” (aka Duck Duck Goose)
- “Air Show” The kids put together gliders and then everyone lined up and flew theirs.  We made sure each kid “won” for something—best loop de loop, longest flight, best nosedive, etc.
- Airplane Piñata
-Red Light, Green Light  (Use red and green glow sticks things…so you look like a ground controller guy!)

Another game we played was similar to Hot Potato, but we played with the “Black Box” instead.

I had the boys sit in a circle and then I explained that the black box of an airplane holds all the important information about their flight.  (Um…I’ll just downplay the part where my son announced “AND THAT’S WHERE THEY FIND OUT HOW YOU CRASHED!”) 
Our black box was filled with all sorts of fun prizes.
So when the music starts (may I suggest “Come Fly With Me” by Frank Sinatra??), the kids pass the black box. When the music stops, whoever has the black box gets to open it and pick a prize out. 


#4—Goodie Bags
I purchased these cloud favor boxes on Amazon:



We printed a label for the front of it that said “Thank you for flying Matthew Airlines” and obviously filled it with fun airplane-related stuff.  Hang a “Baggage Claim” sign for good measure!


#5—Airplane shirt
My son didn’t want to wear his pilot’s uniform.  YEAH, GO FIGURE. 
But he did wear this airplane shirt, purchased from an Etsy shop called Bella Mia:



Well, I think those are the basics of a successful airplane party.  If you follow the above guidelines, I guarantee you will end your “flight” with some extremely happy passengers:

Brain Potpourri

1.  I just wrote that title and realized....does anyone even get that reference or am I outdated???   p.s. It's a Jeopardy thing.  Speaking of....

2.  Sean Connery:  "I'll take THE RAPIST for $1000, Alex."
     Alex:  "That's not "The Rapist".  It says "Therapist".

3.  So Gisele had a baby girl.  Do you think they did that on purpose?  You know what I mean.  How you can spin the sperm or whatever and pick your baby's gender.  I have a list going in my head of celebrities I think did or did not do it.   Reese Witherspoon and baby Tennessee...totally did not.  Victoria Beckham with baby Harper?  Totally did it.  And let me invoke Melissa Gorga...thank you jesus {sign of the cross, kiss my thumb and look up}...because seriously how cute is that baby girl?!

4.  I just want to take a moment to apologize to everyone who has emailed me and FB messaged me since I started blogging again.   And I haven't responded yet.  I SUCK.  I'm also completely overwhelmed by your kind words and I swear I will be responding soon.  Which goes hand in hand with number 5....

5.  I never feel like I have it together.  I always feel like I'm doggy-paddling to get through the month, day, week, hour.  I just want to feel ahead of the game, for once.  Like those people.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  The people who set the coffee up the night before they go to bed. The ones who know how to work the timer on the coffee machine.  And put the mug out on the counter and everything.  I want to be that person so bad.

6.  Instead, let me tell you what happens to people like me....when slackers try to be pro-active.  We go to Toys R Us and buy our kids Christmas presents....and we are SO PROUD OF OURSELVES!  Because it's December 9th!!  AND WE ARE WINNING THIS GAME!!!!!!!!  We are not scrambling to buy gifts after work on December 23rd....nope, not us! We are planners this year.  And??  We get even more crazy and have the gifts wrapped and shipped to where we will be celebrating Christmas.  Aren't we so smart??  And organized?!  And.....dare I say it....ahead of the game!

7.  Then?  After these toys are shipped....you realize that they all require batteries.  And the location where you are spending Christmas?  Is not a place where batteries can be bought.  So that's fun.  To give your kids Christmas gifts that they won't even be able to play with Christmas morning.

8.  So the planners now have to head back to Toys R Us....to find the toys we purchased....to read the box to see what kind of batteries we need to buy and {PLEASE GOD DO NOT LET ME FORGET TO} pack them in our suitcase.   And, let's be honest here, we will probably be packing those suitcases at midnight the night before the flight.

9.  Carter's holiday class party is coming up.  The homeroom mom sent out a list a mile long of things she needed people to volunteer to bring in.  All the people who answer emails in a normal time frame got the good stuff.  This other mom and I must have answered slightly less quickly, because all that was left by the time we replied was "A bag of gumdrops and 22  Large Little Debbie Cakes."

And the other mom? Says all lightening quick "I'll bring the gumdrops!"
AND I GOT STUCK WITH THE 300 LITTLE DEBBIE CAKES.
Who's exaggerating?

I wanted the gumdrops!!!!!!!!!!  I'm not a planner, remember?!  I could get a bag of gumdrops at Walgreens on my way TO the party!  Have you seen a Little Debbie display recently at the store?  There are like one million varieties of this nasty stuff.  And which one is LARGE?!?!

Someone call my pin-ssistant to deal with this mess and make it better.

Who needs an ELF?!

{via pinterest...the source of all good ideas I'll never actually get around to doing}

Mac Attack.

Due to a long story that I'll later tell, I needed to get my kids a new elf.

Only these stupid elves have gone viral and everyone and their cat has one now and there are NO MORE ELVES LEFT ON THIS EARTH TO BUY.

And by none left on this earth, I mean my local Target doesn't have any more.

All they had was this.

I do not even know what that is.

But it was the last one left so I beat about ten people out of the way for it and then sprinted to the cashier.

When the kids woke up this morning, Matty right away found him.

Matthew:  "Let's name him Mac!"

Carter:  {silent}

Matthew:  "Carter do you like that name for him?"

Carter:  {skeptical look on his face}

Me:  "Carter, what's wrong?  What do you think?  Should you guys name him Mac?"


Carter: "Send that thing back to the North Pole and tell him to stay there."


Me:  "Carter!  That's not nice.  You are going to hurt Mac's feelings."

Carter:  "He better watch out."

Me: "He better not pout?"


Carter:  "No, he better watch out for ME."


And he stomped off.

Be afraid of this kid, Mac.  Be very afraid.

Pool side.

1. Oh.  You have your baby.  In a bar.  

2. I heard moms of boys should know how to play pool. I know how to play, but I don't know how to play well.  I mean, I get the basic concept.  But is it wrong that I want to WIN BIG when I play him?!  

3. I think I made that shot.  

4. Just kidding.  I probably didn't.

5. Why does he look 15 years old in this picture?

6. That chalky haze all over the pool table?   Courtesy of my other son.  Who thought the chalk dust was "fun" and necessary to bathe the table in apparently.

7. Pretty sure Matty was trash-talking.

8. Pretty sure I said "Santa heard that."

9. Always thought I would be the mom polishing fingernails and braiding hair and playing Barbies. 

10. Never thought I'd be throwing footballs, cutting bait, de-hooking fish, playing pool....and? 

Loving every second of it.

He Needs Bubble Wrap.

Carter,

You came into this world a healthy 8lb, 12oz baby who barely fit on the scale.  

Your feet were too big for the birth certificate. 

December 1st.

So I woke up thinking about holiday cards this morning.

And how basically I do not have one thing done for my holiday to-do list.  

McMommywood: Likes and Dislikes Edition

LIKE LIKE LIKE:   Harper Beckham

I don't have a daughter but if I did, I'd want her to look just like Victoria and David Beckham's littlest.  
This child is just SO GOBBLY!!! (remember that word?)  
I heart her and her chunky thighs and her adorable wardrobe.

DISLIKE DISLIKE DISLIKE:  Kristen Stewart

There is nothing this girl can say or do that will make me like her.  The End.


LIKE:  Jim Toth and Reese Witherspoon on a lunch date.

He had me at the suit.  The way he is looking at his wife. 
That he is taking his wife out to lunch. IN A SUIT.  
She had me at the peacock blue/green heels and that insanely amazing handbag.


DISLIKE:  Jim Toth's mustache. Ew.

LIKE:  That this one may be pregnant again. I can hardly wait for the "outfits" to begin again.




DISLIKE:  Jared Leto.

Someone needs to explain whatever THAT is to my 16-year-old self.  
Because Jordan Catalano and I are horrified.

{I'm good at leaning on walls in the halls at school.  Or sitting here, brooding. Over lost eyebrows.}

Thank you for the advice, Anna Quindlen.

"I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. 

I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."            

C. trying to build a sand castle.  The tide was winning.

One of my most favorite thanksgivings ever.

 That’s my sister and I, six years ago.

I was 7 months pregnant.  

Or 17 months.  

What’s the difference, anyway? My scale couldn’t tell you.

I’m willing to bet $1 million dollars that the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was playing on the tv to the left of us. 

My mom either took this picture or was in the kitchen stirring mashed potatoes and making the best gravy ever known to man.  Probably all of the above.

My hand is bandaged up because I had just come back from the emergency room where an ER doc had picked poppy seeds out of a profusely bleeding gash in my hand and stitched all back up...seedless.  Yes, I was the dumb one who sliced a bagel…while holding it in my hand.  
And the knife? Sllllllllllllllice.  Right through the bagel, into my hand.

I know you are looking at the title of my post right about now and wondering if I am a sick, sick girl.  
Keep reading though.  I’m getting to my favorite part.

My favorite memory is right before this pic was taken.  My hand hurt so, so bad. And even though it was my left hand, I was surprised to learn how many times a right-hander depends on their left hand in everyday tasks. 

So my sister sat cross-legged on my bed with me.  
She did my hair. 
She helped stuff my pregnant belly into a dress. 
She did my makeup. 

And naturally, because this is my sister we are talking about, she cracked jokes the whole time, and made fun of my makeup saying things like “YOU USE A TOOTHBRUSH AS YOUR EYEBROW BRUSH?!”

And I had to defend myself and say things like: “WHAT?! It wasn’t like a USED toothbrush! It was one of the ones the dentist gave out. Besides, it works really well!”

And the tears of laughter only got worse when she read my…ahem…eyebrow brush said “Dr. Smith” on it, with the ever so convenient phone number personalized right next to his name, so I could easily remember to schedule my follow up visits.

I’m pretty sure this means Sephora has me black-listed now.

But my point in all of this?

Some of the best memories of a holiday can come from where you least expect it.

Like toothbrushes in your make up bag.

10 Things You Need to Know Before You Have Your First Kid.

When I was pregnant with my first, I soaked up all the parenting books, overflowing with their advice on how to get the baby to sleep through the night or proper swaddling techniques or burping techniques or get-the-baby-to-stop-crying techniques.

It's all garbage.

Look, if you are pregnant right now and reading this, I am going to save you a lot of time and tell you everything you need to know right here.

1.) If you are pregnant with your first kid, do not do ANYTHING except sleep. Just sleep, and sleep, and sleep. If you get up and the clock says 10am, fluff your pillow and go right back to sleep. May I even suggest having someone take video of you sleeping? It will be a great memory to treasure...and cry over....in the months ahead.

2.) That said, sleep deprivation is torturous. If you have a kid that sleeps through the night, get down on your knees every hour on the hour and thank your lucky stars. Don't ever complain about anything ever again.

If you have a kid that doesn't sleep through the night, quickly disassociate yourself from any friends who have kids sleeping through the night, as that will only make you feel even worse than you already do on zero sleep. (Oh yes, it's possible to feel worse.) It is perfectly ok to make yourself feel better by making predictions about all those parents with the sleeping kids...like they will probably have a horrendous time with potty training, or their kids will be the weird ones who eat boogers and like it.

3.) Realize that anything you think is weird and swear your kids will NEVER do, they will do. Like eat their boogers and like it.

4.) Never do anything productive like clean out and reorganize cabinets full of toys.

5.) If you ignore my advice on #4, this will happen about seven minutes after you are done putting the last airplane in the newly created "Airplane Bin".

6.) Do me a favor and look up "airplane bins" and "at the end of her wits" in a baby book right now.

7.) I told you those books are garbage.

8.) Set your expectations low for the day. For example, "Today I will wipe away the crusty eye boogers from my eye." That way, anything else you accomplish for the day is bonus and you feel good about how productive you are.

9.) Throw away any and all pre-pregnancy shirts now. Trust me on this. Even if you lose all the baby weight. Something really weird happens once you have a baby: all your old shirts become belly button baring crop tops. It's the strangest phenomena I've ever seen.

10.) Ignore any advice given to you by other moms who are dressed to the nines, in full perfect makeup, with their perfect kids lined up beside them. Do, however, accept any advice from their nanny, housekeeper, night nurse, or assistant.

Feel free to ask questions, get advice, or complain away to any moms who are tired, hungry, mismatched, or bitter about airplane bins. They get it.

But don't trust anyone in a crop top. 

My Advice for Christina Applegate {and other working moms}.

I was recently perusing my typical intellectual reading(*cough gossip website cough*) and saw a link to a blog post written by Christina Applegate entitled "My Tips For a Working Mother".  

Yes.  Let's do this, Christina.
I am a full-time working mother of two.  I need all the help and advice I can get.

I quickly dive right into the article....  

....................and quickly realize Christina Applegate, God bless her, has no real advice for me.

So I had to respond:

Christina Applegate's working mom advice:  Find something you love to do with your daughter!

McMommy's working mom advice: Find something to do for dinner!  But make sure you defrost it at 6am because when you walk in the door at 6pm and the kids are a meltdown, screaming I-AM-STARVING!-when-is-dinner-going-to-be-ready?!-can-I-have-this-cookie-as-a-snack?-you-are-SOOOO-MEAN-for-not-letting-me-eat-this-cookie-right-now-because-I-am-HUNNNNGRY!! mess?
You are already ahead of the game.  
Even better?  CROCK POT.  


Christina Applegate's working mom advice:  Build a support system!

McMommy's working mom advice: Build a support system....Including but not limited to: the help of family, the bribery of a Dollar Store visit, and the victory of good wine on sale.  But let's be clear--the Dollar Store bribe is for your child. The wine is for you.  And do NOT buy any wine at the Dollar Store.  


Christina Applegate's working mom advice:  The ongoing juggling act and the power of distraction

McMommy's working mom advice:  What?  That isn't even a complete sentence, Christina!


You know the infamous phrase:  "I don't know how she does it!"  
Yeah, well, neither do we. 

I think my best advice for working moms is that when you feel like you are all alone, doggy-paddling to stay afloat.....comfort yourself by knowing there is another working mom out there who is feeling EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

You are not alone when you are making their lunches and their breakfast simultaneously...when you are doing the kids hair while also trying to do your own...when you are wiping toothpaste off their cheeks, making sure you signed the reminder binder, and praying the outfit you are wearing isn't the same one you wore on Monday.  Because who can actually remember what happened on Monday.  

There will be many days when you will look longingly at the moms dropping the kids off at school wearing their workout clothes.  And imagine how awesome it would be to hit the gym or go for a leisurely run at 9 in the morning instead of sitting at a desk.  You are not the only one looking at the clock at dismissal time, wishing you could be there to pick the kids up from school.  And I promise you are not the only working mom who cannot volunteer in the classroom every week like the other moms {although you will wish with every star in the sky that you could because you see how excited and proud your kid is to see you there in the classroom.}  

There will be many a night when you are cooking dinner, helping the oldest with homework, trying to play legos with the youngest and yet you are still wearing your work clothes{please for the love of god just give mommy two minutes to get comfy and throw her hair into a ponytail, plllllllllease} all while you are trying to forget that due to that guy leaving the company today...you now have 17 hours worth of additional work to do.  {Did my phone just ding with a work email?  Ew.}

So amen, sister.  It is an ongoing juggling act but it's reassuring to know we aren't the only juggler in the circus.  We all have our reasons for working, whether it be for the money, the insurance, the fulfillment, the opportunity, or dare I say.....those initial 3 minutes of uninterrupted bliss when you first get into the office and enjoy a hot cup of coffee in silence.   HEAVEN RIGHT THERE.

Uh oh, that isn't even a complete sentence.

Touché, Christina Applegate, touché.

You and I.

You love anything lemon.  ME TOO.  People are lucky we don't squeeze lemon on our cereal.

You hate to lose at anything.  ME TOO.  Did Grandma tell you yet about the time I chewed up the CandyLand purple Sugar Plum card that sent me all the way back to beginning?  Stupid Sugar Plum. Pretty sure you won't be telling someone to go back to the beginning when you are all torn up in a million pieces.  

You always look for a shortcut to accomplish things.  ME TOO.  The triple-washed-bagged salad invention?  Made for people like us.

You don't have a lot of patience.  ME TOO.  I try so hard to help you to be more patient because I know what it's like to have that frustration.  But in some ways?  Maybe it's a good thing.  People like us want it all and we want it now.  Watch out if you are in our way.

You have a temper.  ME TOO.  We are quick to react, make no apologies for how we feel, and have even been known to throw a hairbrush or two in the heat of the moment. 

We also realize when we are wrong.  

The other night we were driving home from a full day's worth of activities.  You were tired.  You got angry.  You said some pretty hurtful things to me that made me blink away tears.  The next morning, I was sitting in bed with my coffee and you crawled in next to me.  You watched a little tv with me and then turned to me and said "Mommy, I'm really sorry for the things I said last night.  I didn't mean it.  I'm sorry."

I wasn't expecting that and suddenly I was blinking away tears again.  I pulled you close to me and you wrapped your arms around my neck.  I told you I understood.  That I get angry too and say things I don't mean sometimes.  But your unprompted apology, kiddo?  Meant so much to me.

  



And great job on the timing of that apology.  Because you puked all over me the next night.

Crushed.

My two girl crushes?  Sofia Vergara and Brooke Burke.  

Sidebar:  I'm not going to say Brooke Burke-Charvet, her actual  name.  
Too time-consuming.  

Although, let's be honest...that's one awesome married last name. Charvet.  Char-veigh.  

It almost sounds like wine.  I'll have a glass of the Char-veigh please.  

Anyway. 

So my girl crush Brooke is like my twin.  First of all, we look EXACTLY alike.

Like looking a mirror. 

WHAT?  

Plus I always pose like that with hanging curtain hammock things by the pool too.  

Secondly, she has Hashimoto's Disease like I do.  No big deal.  

Your thyroid is essentially dead.  You take a pill every morning for the rest of your life.  Easy. Done. 

Let's go pose with some more hammocks by the pool.  

But then your girl crush announces she has recently been diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

GASP!  Stop.  No!!!!!!!!!!!

That news hit me hard.  If I'm honest, it actually kind of scared me.  

Not that I think I'm going to get thyroid cancer too, but still. I guess it was kind of a reality check for me.  

I'm ashamed to admit I always believed that yes, I may have this crazy Hashimoto's disease but who cares because as long as I take my pill every day, I'll be fine. 

But then my girl Brooke was under that exact impression.  

Ugh. Life lessons.

Pour me another glass of Char-veigh quickly please.

Four years ago....

He was one and half years old....



 ...but his paws were still the size of a ten year old's.

~Happy voting today!~

Now hiring: Pin-ssistant.

Pinterest always makes me want an assistant.  

Because let's be realistic....I'm not getting this stuff done alone.     

First of all?   BAM.

Reindeer waters and popcorn bags for the holiday party at school.  Look at how my assistant and I even found the mini clothespin clips for the popcorn bags.  I can't even stand how crafty we are.

Secondly?

Of course my assistant would actually know where all my boys' Lego instruction books are.  That was in her job description. 

Thirdly?

My assistant followed through on my idea for the backyard. 

Now we must plan the BBQ.  

And by we I mean her.   

Fourthly?

Please make sure i have all the ingredients I need so I can make the kids breakfast kabobs in the morning.

Fifth--Do not forget to book the vacation....some place warm please.  

And when we return from vacation?  I give her all the junk I hauled back and she makes it all pretty and memorable for me.  In a jar. 

You know, it's hard work being a boss with staff. I mean, I have to spend all this time on Pinterest all the time...finding more stuff for her to do. But I do it because I care.  Like a boss.

And if she ever gets married, I would never let her take this pic.  

Or maybe I would.  

I'd be all "That's fun!  Do it!"  

And then pin the pic to my KLASSY board.

The $1000 costume.

TRICK OR TREAT!  Sorry I ate all the Reese's Peanut Butter cups but here's an old McMommy post for you instead. WHAT? At least I didn't give you pennies or shut off my porch light.....

Super Mario.

It is the simplest costume in the world, right?

Overalls. Red shirt. Red cap. Mustache. 

So naturally, I was all "Ha! I can put that together. I'm not paying $50 for that halloween superstore version! I can make that costume EASY!"

Which was obviously the dumbest thing I've ever said.
Because it took blood, sweat, tears and over 2 months for me to put that costume together.

To be fair, the red cap, gloves, mustache and red shirt were all relatively easy to get.

But do you realize how difficult it is to find overalls here in Florida? 
I've never seen anyone over the age of 6 months wearing them.

And apparently, everyone in the whole wide WORLD suddenly had a deep desire to purchase size 6 jean overalls on Ebay.

I was outbid on like 100 different auctions.

I was even outbid on auctions where I didn't even LIKE the overalls...I just wanted to WIN ONE PLEASEFORTHELOVEOFSUPERMARIOBROTHERS!!!

I may have twittered something to effect of "I hate all of you bidding on size 6 denim overalls."

Which Coco may have read.

Because like a fairy godmother, I get an email from Coco with a picture of size 6 denim overalls. She stopped in a consignment shop and found them.  

I replied: "I WILL PAY $1000 FOR THOSE OVERALLS!! DON'T LET ANYONE NEAR THEM!! GUARD THEM WITH YOUR LIFE!! THEY ARE THE LAST PAIR LEFT ON THIS PLANET!!!"

I frantically called the store, paid for them, and then paid an amount-I-will-not-write-here-because-I'm-still-recovering-from-the-shock to have them shipped to me.

The costume was complete. Angels could be heard rejoicing.

Matthew tried it on and loved it. He wore it all around the house. I even drew a little moustache on with my eyeliner because he didn't want to mess up the fake moustache he would wear on Halloween.

If there was a picture that illustrated how I was feeling at that moment, it would look like this:

VICTORY WAS MINE.

So Halloween arrives....and it's time to put on the costume.....and...

Do you know what my son says to me?

"I don't feel like wearing that."

Oh ha ha! Oh, you're funny, Honeysweetiepreciouspumpkinbear! Ok, put on your costume now.

"No, I don't like it anymore."

I'm sorry, what? It sounded like you said you don't like it, but I must be delirious from all this halloween excitement because THIS IS YOUR COSTUME. YOU WILL WEAR IT. YOU WILL LIKE IT. MOMMY SCOURED THE ENTIRE EARTH FOR OVERALLS. MOMMY PAID RIDICULOUS POSTAGE TO HAVE OVERALLS SHIPPED TO US IN TIME FOR TONIGHT. YOU WILL WEAR THEM.

"I'M NOT WEARING IT."

And do you know what he picked out to wear?

A Halloween shirt that has been sitting in his closet for the past 2 years THAT DOESN'T EVEN FIT HIM ANYMORE.

FINE. Wear whatever you want.

But I'll tell you one thing: DO NOT expect me to share my thousands of dollars with you that I'm going to make when I put your overalls on Ebay tomorrow.

McMommywood

It's Sunday and I think it's a perfect time to discuss mindless Hollywood gossip that I was obsessed with last week.

Although let's be honest.  Any time is a perfect time to discuss mindless Hollywood gossip.

So let's just do a shotgun start...the number 1 story I'm most fascinated by:

#1--Tori Spelling!!!
Tori Spelling's 4th-child-conceived-only-4 weeks-after-the-3rd child-was-born c-section scar busted open.
Can we pause and reflect on that sentence again?
Because OMG.  
I still can't process this even though I've read every single story written about it 47 times.  
I'm completely horrified by it and yet cannot turn away.
Must click....and read about how HER INTESTINES CAME OUT.
Ohhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyy can't I click away?!?!
And where is the part of the story that says Dean has been neutered so this can never ever happen again? 
Because that's the only way this story should end.

#2--Mr. and Mrs. Timberlake
Why does Jessica Biel make me yawn so much?  
I get bored even just saying her name, let alone looking at her.   
AND THEN?
I see the People cover and she is wearing a pink wedding dress!   
The hell????  Suddenly she's Sandy from Grease, carnival scene?!

#3--Jessica Simpson's parents are getting divorced
Ok, big deal. But is he gay?  The former preacher who loves fashion and talking about his daughter's boobs? Hold on while I find my surprised face.   
I think Papa Joe said it best: "She's got DDs.  You can't cover those suckers up!"

#4--Jessica Alba, Are You My Mother?
I'm fascinated by how much her daughter Haven looks NOTHING like her.  Or the father.  Every time I see a pic of her and Haven, I always think she just picked up Marcia Cross's kid at the park by accident.  

So you are welcome for this extremely insightful post.  
Tomorrow I promise I'll have something more scholarly to post. 
Maybe.
Ok, probably not.