I just vomited.

I'm posting this because if I had to have these images seared into my mind, so must you:


From TMZ.com:

I'm not sure what I'm most horrified about:

a.) Kim Kardashian's imminent loss of circulation

b.) Julianne Moore's Great Toe Escape of 2013

c.) That I actually had this convo with myself in my head:  "If I ABSOLUTELY HAD to choose to have one of those feet as my own, which one would I choose?"

McMommywood: Oscar After Party

I figured everyone and their mother blogged about the Oscars yesterday.  

So I'm giving you something completely different.  

The Oscar After Party....TUESDAY EDITION.  (Shut up. It IS different.)

Brought to you by my twitter stream and the letters V-I-N-O.

Giuliana said her dress is too heavy to lift to show her shoes?!? Perhaps she should eat a sandwich.
— aubʀɛɛ sօuтһɛʀɴ (@ajsouthern) February 24, 2013

Adele and Kristin Chenoweth should totally remake Twins #OSCARS #redcarpet
— Chris Mueller (@OMGChrisMueller) February 25, 2013

Do you guys remember when Renee Zellweger had eyes?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) February 25, 2013

I'd probably wax Channing Tatum. For funsies.
— Maria(@MariaMelee) February 25, 2013

This morning. Probably at about 10AM.RT @liz36md: @kathygriffin when did travolta grow hair?!?
— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) February 25, 2013

Stacy Kiebler brought her grandpa!
— Linnyloplop (@LindseySD) February 25, 2013

I want Mark Wahlberg to whisper in their ear when he hands them the Oscar "Say hi to your mother for me."
— McMommy (@McMommyblog) February 25, 2013

McMommywood: Blizzard Edition

Dear People Up North Who Are About To Get Hit With a Big Winter Storm,

I heard you are about to get hit with a big winter storm.

(I wrote that last sentence in frowny face font. In case you couldn't tell.)  

Is your storm REALLY called NEMO?!?!

This makes no sense to me.  

Nemo is adorable and cute. 

Your storm is not.  

So I thought of a better name for it for you:  

Twitter trend alert in the making  #BruceTheBlizzard

I was thinking to myself......how can I help you?

And the answer is....I cannot. 

(Hey, someone has to stay here and soak up this Florida sunshine.)

But?   

MCMOMMYWOOD CAN!!!

Because everyone knows that Hollywood gossip is mindless and ridiculous and PERFECT for #BruceTheBlizzard conditions. 

Let's get started:

1.)  Anne Hathaway is married.  Apparently to Ryan Gosling.  And he carries her umbrella for her.  While she carries an empty Go-Gurt package in her hand.   Why does Ryan look so disturbed?  Because his freakishly pointy shoes are killing him. And now he's worried about getting bunions. The End.

2.)  Ok, I'm going to admit.  I was so sick of Tori Spelling.  But then her intestines fell out and suddenly she got my attention again.  She instagramed this pic yesterday when their car broke down on their road trip with four kids.  SO CUTE AND FUNNY!!!  #JustLikeNemo

3.)  Who is this? Is she seriously famous?  I hear her name is Olivia something or other and she's on tv. Or maybe she was in a movie. I don't know.  And I'm already bored with this conversation.

  4.)  This picture?  Makes me feel.......ew.  With a side of yuck.  And a heaping of "It makes me uncomfortable to even look at this picture" on top.   

5.) OMG. I feel so much better now.........

Newsflash: Your blizzard just melted.  

Adam and his suit say you're welcome.

McMommywood: Sunday Thoughts while laying by the pool

So in addition to my first love Harper Beckham, I now have a new love:  Seraphina Affleck.  

I may not know if I'm pronouncing or spelling her name correctly, but I can assure you that this child is the cutest thing I've ever seen in pigtails. 

STILL DISLIKE:

QUESTION OF THE DAY: How do celebrities get their children to wear outfits like these? Seriously.    If I told my boys: "Hey kids, wanna go to the movies? Ok, just put on this button-down shirt and this velvet jacket and we'll hit the road." you would hear the meltdown from sea to shining sea.

I SWEAR:   I thought "Wow, she looks good for an older actress! Who is this?  She must be in her late 60s?"   And then I realized this is Lindsey Lohan.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE:  Jessica Simpson pregnant.  The muu-muu outfits are beginning. I am so excited.  And?  She has her "sexy face" on.  Cause nothing says "Bumpin and Proud!" like duck lips.

McMommywood: Likes and Dislikes Edition

LIKE LIKE LIKE:   Harper Beckham

I don't have a daughter but if I did, I'd want her to look just like Victoria and David Beckham's littlest.  
This child is just SO GOBBLY!!! (remember that word?)  
I heart her and her chunky thighs and her adorable wardrobe.

DISLIKE DISLIKE DISLIKE:  Kristen Stewart

There is nothing this girl can say or do that will make me like her.  The End.


LIKE:  Jim Toth and Reese Witherspoon on a lunch date.

He had me at the suit.  The way he is looking at his wife. 
That he is taking his wife out to lunch. IN A SUIT.  
She had me at the peacock blue/green heels and that insanely amazing handbag.


DISLIKE:  Jim Toth's mustache. Ew.

LIKE:  That this one may be pregnant again. I can hardly wait for the "outfits" to begin again.




DISLIKE:  Jared Leto.

Someone needs to explain whatever THAT is to my 16-year-old self.  
Because Jordan Catalano and I are horrified.

{I'm good at leaning on walls in the halls at school.  Or sitting here, brooding. Over lost eyebrows.}

McMommywood

It's Sunday and I think it's a perfect time to discuss mindless Hollywood gossip that I was obsessed with last week.

Although let's be honest.  Any time is a perfect time to discuss mindless Hollywood gossip.

So let's just do a shotgun start...the number 1 story I'm most fascinated by:

#1--Tori Spelling!!!
Tori Spelling's 4th-child-conceived-only-4 weeks-after-the-3rd child-was-born c-section scar busted open.
Can we pause and reflect on that sentence again?
Because OMG.  
I still can't process this even though I've read every single story written about it 47 times.  
I'm completely horrified by it and yet cannot turn away.
Must click....and read about how HER INTESTINES CAME OUT.
Ohhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyyyy can't I click away?!?!
And where is the part of the story that says Dean has been neutered so this can never ever happen again? 
Because that's the only way this story should end.

#2--Mr. and Mrs. Timberlake
Why does Jessica Biel make me yawn so much?  
I get bored even just saying her name, let alone looking at her.   
AND THEN?
I see the People cover and she is wearing a pink wedding dress!   
The hell????  Suddenly she's Sandy from Grease, carnival scene?!

#3--Jessica Simpson's parents are getting divorced
Ok, big deal. But is he gay?  The former preacher who loves fashion and talking about his daughter's boobs? Hold on while I find my surprised face.   
I think Papa Joe said it best: "She's got DDs.  You can't cover those suckers up!"

#4--Jessica Alba, Are You My Mother?
I'm fascinated by how much her daughter Haven looks NOTHING like her.  Or the father.  Every time I see a pic of her and Haven, I always think she just picked up Marcia Cross's kid at the park by accident.  

So you are welcome for this extremely insightful post.  
Tomorrow I promise I'll have something more scholarly to post. 
Maybe.
Ok, probably not.