The Barre on a Friday Night.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Yes, I'm posting on a Saturday.

I know, I know.
NO ONE reads blogs on the weekend.
And I think I'm breaking some sort of super secret blog-writer pact.

But I had to tell you something very important.


I am here ALIVE....barely moving...but still....
At least there is breath coming in and out of my lungs so that means I'm alive and the world can rejoice. Because you almost lost me to a girl name SaNdeE* and her ballet barre.

Ok, that's not her real name.
But she was exactly like Sarah Jessica Parker from the movie LA Story.
She was little and perky and liked to simultaneously jump and spin around me while yelling ISN'T THISSSSSSSS FUN?!!!!

SaNdeE* is the instructor of a "cardio ballet" class.

Look, I used to take ballet back in the day.  How hard could this class be?
In my head, it was going to be like this:

Well, that was the rest of the class.

I was going to be like this, of course:

I was super excited.
I pictured calm, soft music wafting through the air.
A teacher with a delicate voice telling us to Plié in second position. 
The cardio part?  
Probably some leg extensions or something.  
This is brilliant.  What a great way to ease back into some cardio.  
I should have thought of this class months ago!  

I made a mental note not to forget to call my mom afterwards to invite her to my recital.

So I get to the class and there are only 4 girls, including me.
I immediately labeled them:
High school girl, high school girl's mom, me, and Kim Kardashian.

Then SanDeE* comes breezing in.
IS EVERYONE READY?! (jump, spin, twirl)
HAS ANYONE DONE A CARDIO BALLET CLASS BEFORE? (pirouette, side bend, leap).  

We all murmured no.

And then it began.
Honestly?  It started off FANTASTIC.

I was all: "Wow!  How fun is this?! I can do this. And one...and two...and...I'm reaching...I'm reaching....up-to-the-sky...and one...and two..."

Then SanDeE* announced the warm-up was over.


I'm not going to go into detail about the next 55 minutes of class.
One word pretty much sums it up:
Also, SanDeE* hates it when you suggest a "rest break".

At one point, when I was laying on the ballet barre, crying, I peeked at my fellow classmates.

Kim Kardashian's mascara was running down her face.
High School girl's mom needed an oxygen chamber.
High School girl?  Was smiling and kept saying things like "Am I doing this correctly? It barely burns! Is there a more challenging way I should do this?"

I told her yes.  All she has to do is age 19 more years and have two kids.


  1. I'd like to thank you for ruining my weekend. Bloggeritaville Leigh and I are going to Barre class soon because I won 2 free passes. I'll plan my funeral before we go.

    1. Terri, my dear sweet Terri, I am sitting here in my hospital bed this morning. They say the intense pain will stop soon. But I'm not so sure. I think I should just head towards the light. Can you and Leigh wear a colored ribbon to your class in my memory?

    2. yes we shall. A lovely shade of ocean blue in your honor.

  2. OK. I've wanted to try Pure Barre (because I, too, am a Former Ballerina!) but I am skeered. This makes me skeerd-er. I'm also afraid to try Zumba, but I know it would be a fun workout.

    The big question is - are you going back? :)

  3. Totally just posted this on FB. I love it!

    And heyyyyyyy....I read blogs on the weekend! :)

  4. I read blogs on weekends! Better than folding laundry! I have a friend that does that Barre workout like three times a week - I have a new respect for her now! That sounds intense. I am already afraid to try Crossfit, but I think I'm more scared of this now!

  5. I love reading blogs on the weekend. Best time to catch up!! Especially early in the morning when nobody is awake.

    This terrifies me. Literally.

  6. Your last comment cracked me up! My sister had her first baby at age 18 (pregnant in high school...) right after I had my 3rd baby, at age 30. She was all, "My labor was so fast! My body snapped right back! I don't know why you complain about being tired!" I was all, "Yeah...I'm sure if I had been pregnant at prom I would have recovered sooner too." *blah*

  7. I read blogs on the weekend (mainly because I have no life other than carting my 11 yr old to dance) so thank you for this. My inner ballerina wants to take a class, but I'm afraid I would end up like High School Girl's Mom.


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