Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Today at the park, my kids kicked off their shoes. GROSS.
But we were getting close to leaving and I was too busy packing up our things to yell at them.
Carter comes running up to me and screams “I HAFTA POOP AND I NOT GONNA MAKE IT!”
Let me draw you a map so you can understand where we were and where the bathrooms were:
And so we begin our cross-country RUN for the bathroom.
We are about 2 hours into our journey of The Amazing Race For The Bathroom and I look down at Carter’s feet and my run turns into a bad dream, slow-motion “Noooooooooooooooooooo”.
My son is running to a public bathroom. BAREFOOT.
In that instant, all I could think of was this:
At this point, we are somewhere in Kansas.
Should we go back to Florida for the shoes???
We MUST! I AM NOT RAISING BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!
“BUT MOMMY I REALLY NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!!!! I GOTTA GO NOWWWW!”
It was a horrible game of Would You Rather and I was screwed either way.
I’m not even going to go into details of how I tried to carry him and hover him above the toilet because I couldn’t set him down to wrap the toilet seat in 20lbs of toilet paper coverage because if I set him down OMG!! HE WILL GET HOOKWORMS!!
Public bathrooms are crawling with hookworms, everyone knows that!
Deadly diseases and bad grammar.
And let’s not discuss how I gave in and eventually let him sit on the toilet because have you ever tried hovering 40lbs for like 15 minutes? Someone pass him a magazine.
Or what about when he jumped down off of the toilet and his tiny toes touched the ground and I screamed HOOKWORMS!!!!!!!!!!! CARTER, HOOKWORMS!!!!!!
And then he got all scared and was like “MOMMY, HOLD ME!”
And I scooped him up but hello, the child still needed to be wiped and honestly WHERE WAS THIS MOMENT IN THE WHAT TO EXPECT BOOK?!?!
It was a day that will live in parenting infamy.
***originally posted in 2010. Re-posted today by special request.***