Screwed.

Hi.  I am super tired.  I was going to write you a fresh post today but....please refer back to the sentence prior to this one.  So let's make an agreement that I will drink a RedBull and you will come back tomorrow and we'll try this again.  Deal?   In the meantime, here's a quick re-post for you to enjoy.....so your trip here today is not all for nothing!
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My five year old son is now wearing a size 13.5 shoe.
What does this mean?  Will he be the next basketball superstar? I bet he will!
You’ll see! You’ll all see!  JUST WATCH!

My wallet and I like to comfort each other with that daydream.

Since school is starting in two weeks, I’ll give the kid that his timing was good. 
All his other pleas of “Mom, my shoes hurt! They are too small!” weren’t working.
 
But when I looked at the calendar and was like “SCHOOL’S STARTING IN TWO WEEKS??! NOW! WE MUST GO SHOE SHOPPING NOW!”

Online, of course. Because have you ever taken his two year old brother Carter to a shoe store?
Yeah, I made that mistake once.
I believe the store said our banishment is over in 2019.

And since my wild child Carter has solidified my decision that I am DONE having children, I think shopping for sneakers online with Matthew was about as close to my girl mom moment as I’ll ever get.  So, I’ll take it.  GLADLY.

After lots of perusing, we found a pair he liked.  Free shipping, but it was ground shipping and it was coming from clear across the country.  So it took an endless week for this thing to get here. 

(And because I know everyone is saying DUH! ZAPPOS.com! NEXT DAY SHIPPING FOR FREE! Let it be known that Zappos did not have his size in the sneaker he wanted. And we couldn’t just PICK another sneaker. Oh no. Because suddenly this child has opinions on what he wants to wear and what looks “cool”. I know. Watch out, Justin Beiber.)

Everyday I had to answer the “Are my new sneakers here yet????” question.
It was a long week.

The big day finally arrived and as the FedEx guy handed me the package, it jingled.
YES, I SAID JINGLED.

It was at that moment that my brain kind of made this funny “Ruh roh” noise.

Matthew’s beloved, long-awaited sneakers turned out to be a box. Of screws.

And plastic clips and some metal thing.



Now if you think answering a week’s worth of “Are my new sneakers here yet??” questions won’t kill you, then I GUARANTEE that the 1,256,782 rapid-fire questions that come after you open a box of SCREWS that is supposed to be the new sneakers will.

WHAT IS THAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SNEAKERS? WHO SENT US THIS MOMMY? WHY DID YOU ORDER A BOX OF SCREWS, MOMMY? YOU SAID MY NEW SNEAKERS WERE ARRIVING TODAY, MOM!!  WERE YOU LYING? LYING IS A BAD CHOICE, MOM. WHAT????  WHAT DO YOU MEAN BAD GUYS???  BAD GUYS SENT US THE SCREWS?!  BAD GUYS TOOK MY SNEAKERS??!!  I HATE BAD GUYS! MOM ARE YOU GOING TO CALL THE POLICE?  MOMMY, WHO ARE YOU CALLING? WHO IS AMAZON.COM? DO YOU THINK THE BAD GUYS WEAR A SIZE 13.5? I’M GOING TO BEAT THE BAD GUYS UP, MOM! HAHAHAHA!! YEAH, CARTER!! LET’S KICK THEM IN THE BALLSIES!!!  HAHAHA!  MOM? MOM? MOM, WHAT IS AMAZON.COM SAYING?  TELL THEM MY BROTHER AND I WILL KICK THEIR BAD GUYS IN THE BALLSIES!!

The good news?

1. My credit card was fine because when you purchase through Amazon.com from a 3rd party seller, they pay the seller directly and then Amazon.com charges your card.  So it protects your card from the “bad guys”.

2. ShoeMetro.com (the 3rd party seller on Amazon) was EXTREMELY helpful and fully refunded my money. I emailed photos so they could file a complaint with FedEx as it was determined that the package was sliced opened, the shoes were stolen and replaced with a box of random screws and clips, and then it was taped back together.  They believe this to have happened after it left the ShoeMetro warehouse. I have no clue.

But I do know this nice customer service rep named Toni and I bonded.

We laughed, we cried.

I asked her if she needed any plastic clips.

She told me there was no amount of money in the world that I could pay her to switch spots with me so that she could be the one answering the six million questions that I was getting hammered with by my sons.

We vowed that we would kick the bad guys in the ballsies together.