At least you didn't have to deal with HER this morning.

Sunday, October 14, 2012



I've only been back blogging a week and I'm ALREADY on vacation?!?  SLACKER, I know.  
But ooh...look over there! An old post for you!  
I'm sneaking back to my lounge chair if anyone needs me....wish you were here!

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(originally posted 2009)

Last night was a late night of celebrating with the family.  And I'm not sure where the champagne tree is in the yard, but it has got to be there somewhere. Because every time I turned around, my previously empty champagne glass was full again.

Needless to say, this morning I woke up and was all "Hi, I'm calling in sick to work today."

But my 2 year old was all "Request denied."

So in an effort to dump my parental duties on someone else, we headed off to storytime at the library. 
An amazing angel of a librarian put out fun Melissa and Doug puzzles for the kids to play with, sang songs to them, and read them stories.

As Carter and I sat at the table with the puzzle, another mother came and sat across from me.

She was everything I wasn't this morning.

She was loud, she was perky, and she was obviously trying to win the prize for Most Annoying Mother Ever.

"Jack, LOOK! A Clifford puzzle! Let's see if we can remember every single character EVER from Clifford...."

{DearGodHelpMe.}

"Jack, are you listening to Mommy, Jack? Jack, I'm trying to remember the purple character's name. Jack, can you help mommy remember the purple character's name? Jack? I need your attention, Jack. Look at mommy, Jack."


"Jack, I have an idea. Let's count to 20 in Spanish just for fun!"

"Oh Jack! It's time for Wheels on the Bus! How EXCITING!!!"
{Insert image here of Most Annoying Mother Ever doing all the motions to Wheels on the Bus so emphatically, that she probably made the first-place winner of the national cheerleading competition look lethargic.}

In the midst of this annoying-ness, Carter shows me this thing and says "what dis mommy?"


I replied "A hot dog".

Because it kind of looked like a hot dog to me.

And do you know what Annoying Mom says to Jack?

"Jack, is that really a hot dog?"

And annoying Jack turns to ME and says "That's a carrot, not a hot dog."

Annoying mom gets all puffy and beaming and says: "That's RIGHT, Jack! Why do you think it is a carrot and not a hot dog?"

Jack: "It's orange."

Annoying Mom: "That's right, Jack!!! Plus, they are making sandwiches and you wouldn't cut up a hot dog to put in a sandwich, right? So yes, it is a carrot. Do you like carrots, Jack? Jack, do you know carrots are good for your eyes? They have Vitamin A in them and vitamin A is good for your eyes. And Jack? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH INSERT MORE ANNOYING STUFF HERE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH."


I almost chucked the "carrot" at her head.

Well, look at that. You are right, little Jack. It IS a carrot!
Because I don't think a hot dog would've left a mark like THAT on your mom's head! 

74 Comments!:

  1. Totally would have smacked her with that carrot for sure! Annoying!

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  2. I would have shot her.

    Or played fire with fire by talking to Jack too.

    "Hey Jack! is mommy over bearing?? Can you say over bearing? What does overbearing mean Jack? Do you think over bearing is two words or one Jack because I'm not sure...hey Jack??? Do you kinda wanna run away from home sometimes??? I would too Jack. I would too...and someday...you will."

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  3. hahahahaha would it not have been so funny if little annoying jack would have been like "mom that is a peeeeenis" just to embarrass the hell out of his annoying mother!! How funny! Great story!!! xxoxo

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  4. *snort* Heh heh....

    umm, does that lady put carrots in her kid's sandwhich?! I'd rather have a hot dog in my sandwhich, thankyouverymuch - at least you can chew it!

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  5. It kind of looked like a penis to me- I'd really get thrown out of the library mom's club, wouldn't I?

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  6. I totally see hot dog. I hate moms like that. You totally should have thrown it at her. Hard.

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  7. OMG, I have come across this kind of Mom so many times...don't you just want to smack her?! Glad to hear I'm not the only one!

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  8. "Jack, is your mommy a raging lunatic? Yes? VERY GOOD! Let's play the quiet game. You and your mom can't talk for the next hour. If you make it the whole time you win!"

    The key is to turn the kid against his mom...

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  9. I would of been a smart a$$ just to show her what a awesome mom I am. WE have a mom like that at the football practices she cheers during practice. When they are standing there doing nothing.

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  10. So.Not.A.Carrot.
    Cheerleader/Freak/Mom
    'Just Sayin'

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  11. Well, what kind of douche cuts up carrots for a sammich is what I wanna know? Because honestly, it makes more sense to me that it's a hot dog (or possibly some sausage) than a carrot, if you're putting it in a sandwich. Otherwise, I don't see any meat, and WHO IS TRAINING THEIR KIDS TO BE VEGETARIANS? Those kind of pinko, hippie parents probably don't believe in wooden puzzles 'cause helluuu? Tree huggers.

    *Note: I was kidding. Except the part about a sandwich needing meat.

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  12. You should have launched that "carrot" at her. So funny!

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  13. your theory of a hot dog makes SO much more sense anyhow....who in the heck cuts up carrots to be on a damn sandwich anyway?? i woulda totally chucked it at her...now THAT would have been priceless...(oh no, jacky, mommy has a black eye...do you know what causes a black eye jack? ANNOYING MOTHERS, that's what!)

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  14. Gag.....I would have exercised my hang-over right to throw on her.

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  15. Ha Ha Ha.... I am laughing so hard... I would have definetly thrown the hotdog at her head.

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  16. maybe she'll choke on her carrots today. fair is fair.

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  17. Wait, a hotdog isn't a sandwich? And I am supposed to put carrots on a sandwich? What?

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  18. Awesome.

    Poor Jack, Poor, poor Jack!

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  19. I know her! She lives a few doors down from me..and I close my windows when she walks by!!! Grrr...I want to through more than a hotdog carrot at her head!! hehehe!

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  20. who the hell puts carrots on sandwiches?

    I'm with you, it's a weiner.

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  21. who the hell puts carrots on sandwiches?

    I'm with you, it's a weiner.

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  22. oh dear lawd I can't believe that lady. I would have probably said something smart-ass and gotten myself banned from storytime forever.

    And, I totally thought that was a hot dog! I would have said, "WEll Carter, it looks like a hot dog doesn't it! I mean, no greenery on top, right? And it's in a box with other veggies so you probably need a protein to round out the food groups. But I"m sure it's an organic soy hot dog, right?"

    I'd say that last part just to be all in her face. Like, "Look at me! I'm hip and organic!" Even though in reality I wouldn't touch a soy hot dog with a 10-foot pole. Sure, hoofs and snouts in my hot dogs... no problem. But keep the soy away from me. LOL

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  23. Hmmm..... looks like a watermelon in there, too and I know I wouldn't put watermelon on a sandwich!

    You should have thrown the hot dog at her!

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  24. So let me guess...is SHE your new best-friend now??!!!

    Like I always say, "and they wonder why we drink? "- to make those annoying moms bearable!

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  25. ROFL!!!!!!! I would've held her while you beat her up. Good grief. No hangover here but that annoys me & I'm just reading it!

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  26. Well what it kind of looks like to me wouldn't be in a kids toy so I'm guessing it isn't that. LOL

    I can not stand those women. And who the hell puts carrots on a sandwich??? Not me.

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  27. I can't stand annoying Moms like that!

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  28. Seriously?? I am the kind of person who doesn't know what to say in situations like that but then walks away with a whole lot in my head (ever seen You've Got Mail? yea I am that girl)

    Anyway, wow... I wish we were at the same story time b/c if you were at mine, you would have felt like super mom as I showed up 10 min late with my daughters bare foot and hair all unkempt and my son would probably be in a costume of some sort. You would've looked at me and said, "Man so glad I am not that mom!"

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  29. like you would put watermelon, apples and stuff on a sandwich anyway- this is OBVIOUSLY a picnic kit - which means it looks like a hotdog to me!

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  30. Ummm, that's orange? Do I have the color bad on my computer screen or something. I was thinking hot dog too. I think you were right. Hot dog it is. Even in a hung over state you were smarter than this woman. Okay, unless her name is Michele and her little boy Jack was an adorable curly haired 3 year old little boy that is because if it was you just met my cousin ;).

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  31. OMG those mothers drive me crazy. I was at the library today too. In a ponytail, no makeup, and half-burned-off eyelashes to boot. Next time, come to our library. I promise not to do anything that will make you want to bean me with a wooden carrot.

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  32. um, I'm thinking Melissa and Doug slipped a penis in there.

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  33. Dude, I thought that was a hot dog (ok ok, at first glance I thought it some kind of penis but that didn't make sense for a children's activity). I was a little confused when annoying mother implied it wasn't. But I guess it could be carrot that looks like a hot dog.

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  34. I would have said it looks like fake food. Nothing more annoying than a mom like that...even without a hangover!

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  35. How freaking annoying!!

    If I were there with you? I would have been all...

    "Um, lady? Do you know who McMommy is? Do you?? Do you?! No?? Lets just say she's one of the funniest bloggers out there...and you are SO her next post! And you know what else? We're ALL going to be laughing at you while reading her post about you and having a glass of wine! Hahahahaha! Oh, and who eats carrots on their sandwiches?!"

    I don't know how you didn't throw something at her...ha!

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  36. Sounds like she needs to cut down on the 'speed' I mean caffeine! I woulda had to hurt her...

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  37. LOL. Thank you for cracking me up!

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  38. I'm thinking it's a good thing she didn't bend over to pick up her purse, or she'd have a carrot sticking out of her ass.

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  39. I am LMAO!!!! This is absolutely hilarious....those uber-moms annoy me more than my ability to express it. What a fabulous post your suffering has produced.

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  40. I'm dying!! How did you keep your mouth shut? I take my girls to library story time for the same reason as you... luckily all the mom's there seem to be there to have 45 minutes to themselves while the library lady entertains their kids.

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  41. Jack's mom is an idiot - it's totally a hot dog.

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  42. Hahaha... oh dear, poor you!! I worry that sometimes I sound like that when I'm out in public with my boys... eek, I hope not!! But I do tend to be overly enthusiastic sometimes! ;) We have that food cutting thing. And yeah, it's a carrot. Just teasing ya! I mean, yeah, it's a carrot, but whatevs. :) xo

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  43. Omg, are you serious?? Ughhhh! I wouldve wanted to whack that thing at her too!

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  44. ha! you are better than me, I WOULD have chucked the carrot at annoying mom's head!

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  45. I would have pitty on you but what about poor Jack who has to put up with that every day?

    Funny post.

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  46. Hiarious.

    Looks like a hot dog to me. And that is so annoying, just reading about it pissing me off.

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  47. Who puts a carrot in a sandwich? You should have decked her.

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  48. Bloody hell! Where do people even get the energy to be so annoying and show-offish first thing in the morning?!

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  49. Those are the exact mothers that I avoid the plague. Its like they need to prove to eveyone that they are this amazing mother, and all they end up proving is how truly annoying they are.

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  50. I probably would have said something like "It's too bad that you don't have any imagination. Imagination can make it a hotdog or a breadstick or even a finger!" I bet that would have shut her up! ;)

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  51. *Almost*? That was disappointing. You shoulda dun it!

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  52. Hello annoying Mommy had way too much coffee and happy pills this morning. I would have choked her!!

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  53. OMG...too freaking funny.

    And I think it looks like a hot dog. So that momma can you know what with that hotdogcarrot. LOL

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  54. Thank you for my morning laugh. That was great!! Love.it.

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  55. We have that wooden food thing, and we call it a hot dog. So whatev Annoying Mom. Whatever happened to imagination? You're a better person than me, I would have had to say something obnoxious. Or at least in my head I would have.

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  56. What a whacko lady! How about teaching kids to be creative and see things as more than meets the eye? Hello! Out of the box thinking? And where does she get off telling her child to correct an ADULT?! This Jack kid is going to get all crazy about having things be "just so" and correcting people if they're not. Either that or rebel by becoming the most creative, out-of-the-box thinker ever. I hope the latter.

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  57. We have that set up....and the first thing my daughter did was put that carrot in her mouth.

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  58. thanks for that post. love it. (thought it was a hot dog too.) I needed that laugh

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  59. I know so many people like that.

    I would have told her to shove the hot dog up her ass. Well, I would have wanted to, at least.

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  60. um, yeah, I don't put carrots in MY sandwich - I'm just sayin'! ;) I'd a smacked the %@*& outta that snooty mom!!

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  61. Oh. My. Gawd.

    even without a hangover, she would have been annoying. I would have rammed that hot dog....excuse me, CARROT, down her throat.

    And said "did you see that Jack? That is why you should never be an overbearing beotch."

    Hilarious, as always.

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  62. Yeah...she definitely needed to go suck a carrot.

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  63. why would you cut up a carrot for a sandwich either JACK?! And, my son's name is Jack, but I promise I was not this psycho mommy.

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  64. ROTFLMAO I thought is was a carrot.

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  65. I thought it was a hot dog too! And besides, who cuts carrots in huge chunks to put on their sandwich?

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  66. I go with Hotdog you annoying library chipper mom! I would have chucked it at her.

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  67. I totally thought it was a hot dog.

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  68. First of all, I thought it was a hot dog too.

    Second of all, I go grocery shopping every Monday morning and always see this mom with her daughter and she might as well be Jack's mom. She is always talking to her daughter (in an annoyingly loud so everyone will know she's a good mom voice) saying things like,"Do you like yogurt? Why do we like yogurt? What's in yogurt? Why is calcium good for us?"

    Perhaps I'll chuck a carrot at her next Monday morning! :)

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  69. Love it! There are soooo many annoying moms like that!

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