Call Matt Damon cause I have some apples.

Sometimes I get into a non-writing rut.

And when that happens, I just let Pinterest write for me.

Confession: I really want to end every post now with this pic.

Be jealous.

You know what's awesome?

~When you essentially do not sleep the entire night.....and when the alarm goes off at 6am, you have a little 6 year old standing in front of you telling you they are "so itchy".
Because truly....what is more awesome than waking up to red rash all over your child's chest, back and face when you are on two hours of sleep?!


~That I'm about to watch a Dateline episode (I recorded last night) while folding a severe case of laundry.
The episode topic?
A guy goes missing, but his friends and family receive texts from him saying he's "ok" and just had to "figure some things out"......
Only???
They find out the texts were not coming from him at all!!
GASP!
It's so scary awesome when your real life mirrors a Dateline episode.   #BringMattHome


~That I couldn't tell you which is the before and which is the after of Real Housewives of Orange County Vicki Gunvalson's face:

And finally.....you know what's awesome?

When you are sitting at your desk wolfing down a PB&J sandwich......

...and your girl crush Sophia Vergara instagrams a pic of HERSELF eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

And you are sitting there all ME TOO, SOFIA!!  

Can't Live Without My....{under $20 beauty edition]

Here is what I'm loving lately.....and bonus???  All under twenty bucks!


Soooooooo........here we go!   I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MY.......

Smashbox Limitless Eyeliner in Onyx Black $19.99
I've never owned an eyeliner that glides on like this.  LIKE BUTTAHHHH, I tell you!
Love.  I'll be a fan for life.

Sonia Kashuk Foundation Brush $14.99
Confession: I've never used a foundation brush before now.  However, when I was in the market for a new foundation a little while back, the girl at MAC applied foundation to my face with a brush.
W-O-W what a difference! Made my skin seemed airbrushed.
I was sold...but not enough to pay $40 just for a brush (which, I know, I know...is normal for makeup brushes.  But STILL, it just doesn't sit right with me!)  Then one day I saw this one at Target and thought I'd give it a whirl....now?  Well, just look at the title to this post.

Nuance Salma Hayek AM/PM Anti-Aging Super Cream $19.99
Let me just tell you right now, I have zero loyalty to any cream out there.
I think it is because I'm a cream fanatic and I always think there is something possibly better than whatever empty bottle I just finished and tossed into the trash.  Well, this cream?
I bought at CVS....three times in a row now.  So I think that means something.
It makes my skin feel silky smooth, doesn't feel too heavy or too light, and smells divine.
The only thing that bugs me is that "Salma Hayek" is in the name.
I hate buying anything that has a celeb name tied to it.  What's next for me?  Lady Gaga perfume?  Ew.

Smashbox Lip Gloss in Pixel
I know.  It's not the fabulousity that is nipple cream lip gloss (now THAT'S a story for the new readers here) but it's a close second for me.  Little known fact about me:  My co-worker claims she always knows when I'm having a really stressful day because it's the only time I don't re-apply my lip gloss.  Hi, my name is McMommy and I have a lip gloss re-application addiction.
ANYWAY, this color is a great neutral that I can wear alone or over a lip stain....which brings me to my next product......

NYC Lip Stain $4.99

I've yet to meet a color I don't like in this collection. (Confession: Although I've never tried that dark one on the end.  And I never will.  Too dark for me, I bet.)  Bonus?  These lip stains do not dry out my lips!

CVS Facial Cleansing Brush  $19.99
All this makeup talk....you know what your face NEEDS???  A good scrubbing.
The CVS facial cleansing brush is a knock off of the Clarisonic one (I'm too lazy to spell check that) but I've never used the Clarisonic one so my face doesn't know the difference.
But my wallet does.
Spending $150 for a face spinny brush isn't in my cards right now but I will gladly use this knock-off because it works so well!  Just a dab of my facial cleanser on it and boom....the magic begins.
My face feels so clean afterwards, as if those bristles have scrubbed out every last pore.  
A little smear of Salma Hayek cream (Ew! I still hate celeb names in my products!) afterwards and my face feels like it's in heaven.


Let me know if you have any products YOU can't live without....I love a good recommendation!

PICTURE THIS.

BAM!
I held up my end of the deal.  I love it when I actually follow through!

Ok, here goes....

My best friend and I took our first vacation together IN YEARS....and we went over to a tiny island in the Bahamas where my sister lives.  It was the island's annual James Bond Casino Royale party so hey why not???

The flight over was one of the best ever. I brought the sombrero as a prop for the harlem shake video we planned to film later on in the trip.  However, everyone and their mother ended up wearing that sombrero. Because seriously...how much fun is a gigantic sombrero???

And how much fun is it to dance on the runway with the hotel manager while wearing a gigantic sombrero?  Just ask that guy above.

And in case you were ever wondering if pigs swim?
There you go.
Little big island piggies will swim right up to your boat to look for your food scraps.
I didn't feed any pigs though.  No way.
Swine flu = no bueno.  (that was sombrero font)

Bond girls....your mission, should you choose to accept it, is a white dress, some major attitude, and some major bling.
Mission accomplished.....with a special shout out to E! Live From the Red Carpet SEQUIN SHOES!
I've never known what it feels like to be a celeb until that evening.
The yacht club was totally decked out in sheer curtains, vintage Bond posters, overflowing champagne, and blackjack and roulette tables as far as the eye could see.
Then, at 9pm, they had us...the Bond girls....arrive.  We walked through the front door and all immediately struck a pose with our guns.
And the crowd went wild.
Everywhere we walked that evening, someone asked if they could take their picture with us.
There was even a step-and-repeat on the red carpet and you KNOW I rocked some Melissa Gorga poses. For funsies. (thank you baby jesus, kiss my own hand, and look up at the sky)

A checkerboard painted on a picnic table with beer caps for checkers? Check.
Dogs swimming with sharks?  Check.
People swimming with sharks and liquid courage?  Check.
Sombrero?  You know it.

AND FINALLY...........

Bestie and I are sitting at the bar one evening and she looks at me and informs me that Don Johnson is sitting across from us.  I didn't believe her, because the man sitting across from us looked like this:

And NOT LIKE THIS:

However, it was confirmed true by many many sources.

I tried so hard to take an inconspicuous pic for you all but failed miserably.  However, as he walked back to board his boat, I was able to grab this shot:

I like to picture him saying "TUBBS, THE DRUGS ARE THAT WAY!" when I look at that pic.

So THIS is what happened.

So I popped over to my parents' house to say hello one evening after work and find everyone like this:

And when they see me walk in, everyone screams:

"DON'T MOVE!"

To my surprise, it wasn't because they wanted to take in and admire the awesome-ness of what was my outfit that day.

Although they should have.

Because hello beautiful turquoise scarf???!!! 

No, it was because one of the diamonds in my sister's wedding band went flying after she caught her ring on the edge of the outdoor table.

Being the kind of person I am, I immediately sprung into action.
And began shouting encouraging and helpful advice like:  "OMG!!!!  IT COULD BE ANYWHERE!!!!  You will NEVER find it!!"

When suddenly I stepped forward and heard a crunch.

Ohhhh.

Good news?
I did not crunch my sister's diamond.

Better news?
My sister found her diamond.

Astonishing news?
She found it in the mulch.

Next to a bead of Miracle-Gro fertilizer.

Can we all pause and reflect on this insanity for a moment?????

It was literally like watching the expression "Like finding a needle in a haystack" come to life right before your eyes.

I immediately swooped in, wrapped the ring and the loose diamond in my turquoise scarf, and carried it like a sick bird to the nearest emergency room.

Or poured myself a glass of wine.

I can't remember exactly.  It was definitely one or the other though.

What Happened?

So this happened:

Any guesses as to what this was about?

The Office.

My current job is pretty great, but mostly because of the people I work with.
Take last week for example.

Monday, March 11th
9:45am--
As I walk back to my desk, I turn to my co-worker and say "There's a secret message in the bathroom for you. Good luck finding it."

2:00pm--
After extensive looking, she finds it.
I had written "Hi" in the 3 inch layer of dust that was accumulated on the artwork frame hanging on the wall.

2:23pm--
She replies: "There's a response to your secret message in the bathroom for you.  Good luck finding it."

4:47pm--
Secret message found.  ROLLED UP IN THE TOILET PAPER ROLL HOLDER.

The hiding location was brilliant. 
Only problem was that secret message had somehow gotten stuck.
And required a rescue team to dismantle it out.

Awkward moment:  Passing our manager in the hall on our way back to the desk as we tried to hide the toilet paper holder from his sight in order to begin Operation Free the Message.

Operation Free the Secret Message in effect.

Tuesday, March 12th
1:21pm--
I do the Harlem Shake all around my co-worker while she tries to have a serious conversation with a lender.

Wednesday, March 13th
8:45am--
FRONT DESK RECEPTIONIST DOES NOT SHOW UP FOR WORK.
Which is extremely not like him.

9:02am--
We immediately fear the worst.  Co-workers and I refuse to work until he is found.

9:04am--
CSI episode begins (in our heads).

10:21am--
After much debate, we decide on our detective names.
My name will be Esperanza and my co-worker's name will be Geneva.
We think the names sound very foreign and worldy and mysterious.
And not detective-like at all but who cares.

10:23am--
We remember Matt is missing.

11:45am--
We call all the emergency numbers Matt has.  No one answers.  We start to get suspicious.

11:47am--
Geneva googles his address.  And discovers.....GASP!  It's a fake address!!!!!!

11:48am--
Oh wait.  It's a UPS store.  So maybe it's a PO Box or something.

11:50am--
All this detective work is making Esperanza hungry.  We declare we must pause our investigation as it is important to nourish ourselves.  We'll resume after lunch and a People.com break.

1:04pm--
While Geneva works on looking through mug shots on the local police website, Esperanza pens a song called "Remember Matt".
It is sung to the tune of "We Are The World".
Esperanza sings it for Geneva, a la Celine Dion, holding her pretend earpiece while she belts out the tune.

3:06pm--
More theories start getting thrown out:   "He was drugged last night and woke up on a bed of ice in a hotel room. He is missing a kidney now."   We agree to think about donating him one of ours.

4:45pm--
Still no Matt.  The case is as cold as the ice in the hotel bathtub that he may or may not have woken up on.

5:30pm--
QUITTIN' TIME!!!!  Good luck, Matt, wherever you are!


Thursday, March 14th

7:01am---
{Esperanza texts Geneva:}
"OMG. ARE YOU AWAKE?  WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!  News is reporting that a body washed up on shore this morning. Young male in his 20s.  They cannot id him because HE WAS NAKED!!!!!!!"

7:15am---
"OMG. Did he have kidneys?!?!?!"

9:00am---
Esperanza and Geneva determine a missing persons report must be called in.  

9:04am--
Esperanza and Geneva freshen up their make-up.  You know, just in case the cops need to take a statement from them. In front the news camera crew.

9:22am--
"Should we wear a ribbon or something? Maybe tie it to trees around town? Like to remind people of Matt."
"We totally should. Maybe with a slogan like 'Bring Matt Home'. "
"What color should the ribbon be?"
"What color matches what we are wearing today?"

10:30am--
Still no cops.  Or media.

11:32am--Ditto.

1:22pm--Ditto.

2:01pm--
"Maybe we should try texting Matt one more time."

2:02pm--
{Geneva's text to Matt:}
Matt, we have called the police and are about to file a missing person's report.  If you receive this text and are ok, please just text back.  Also, please let us know if you need a kidney."

2:04pm--
OMG HE TEXTED BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Matt's text to Geneva:}
"I'm fine.  I just quit."

2:05pm--
"HE QUIT?!"
"What a letdown."
"This is the worst ending ever. How boring."
"I wrote that song for nothing."
"Does this mean we have to work again?"

3:23pm--

"GASP!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF MATT'S ABDUCTOR WROTE THAT TEXT????!!!!  TO THROW US OFF FROM CALLING THE POLICE?????"


So yeah.  This week ahead should be fun......

Friday Nonsense.

1. I hope someone around here has been going around checking all the elevators because of what a ghost town this blog has been!!  Good news?  I'm here.  Bad news?  It's Friday.  Which probably means you are going to lose me again for days on end as I slack off into the weekend.


2. What do we think about Jessica Simpson accidentally revealing she is having a baby boy?
And supposedly she is naming him "Ace".
Her's daughter's name is Maxwell.
Ace and Max.

Reminds me of only one thing:

3. Is it just me or does this seem a little advanced for kindergarten?

4.  I'm so disappointed in the Today Show lately.
Watching Savannah is like watching vanilla ice cream.
Matt Lauer is almost never on anymore, even though I heard he signed some huge contract for like $25 gazillion dollars a year to stay on.
Al Roker is Al Roker.
Natalie Morales even makes me yawn now.  
The whole vibe there is completely messed up.  And feels forced.
And I just think I fell asleep from boring myself talking about their boring-ness.


5. So this is happening on Pinterest:

Onions stored in pantyhose will last as long as 8 months.
27 ways to make your groceries last as long as possible.

You're welcome, people of the world who need to store onions for 8 months.


6. Somewhere right now, a kindergartner just read this post and cursed me for dumbing him down.

Tag. I'm it.

{I was tagged to answer these questions.  Nice. Let’s get this party started.}


If you were a doll, the accessories packaged with you would be:

OMG.  SO EASY!!!!!!   Those tiny Barbie shoes. 
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Those tiny adorable super fashionable Barbie shoes.  
My friend gave me this Hallmark Christmas ornament and I almost died from the awesome-ness:

 
I have an irrational fear of:
How long do I have to answer this question?  Because we could be here all night.
 
What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most?
Ok, I’ve thought about this and my answer depends on who exactly is the hated one I am stranded with.   I mean, what if I'm stranded on an island with Joran Van der Sloot???
If I was stranded with him, I would just start swimming far far away from that island. 
Because seriously, if the swim doesn’t kill me, we all know he will.

I find the thought of childbirth:
The easy part.  It’s the months of no sleep afterward that scare the living daylights out of me.

My toenails are:
Red. Again.
Also I hate the word toenails.

What was the last thing to make you cry? 
I was so excited to sit down to a brand-new package of Football Oreos. 
And discovered we were out of milk.  
This was a major devastation because for some unknown reason, football Oreos taste even more delicious than regular Oreos.  I have no idea why.  Also, I think someone else should be in charge of buying the milk around here.  I have more important things to concentrate on at the grocery store.  
Like limited edition cookies. 

What’s most confusing to you?
Google Analytics.

What is one thing you’ve learned about life?
Ahhh.  I hate these types of questions!! I feel like I should have some really philosophical way of answering it.  Or something really touching.  Something that someone reads and says “That should be a college commencement speech right there!!!” I can’t write under this kind of pressure. 
Someone ask me about nail polish again.

Have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
I would DIE of claustrophobia if I ever got stuck in an elevator. 
And since I am still living, I think we all know the answer to this question. 
But if this blog ever goes quiet for days on end, GO CHECK EVERY SINGLE ELEVATOR IN EVERY SINGLE BUILDING IN FLORIDA!!!!  BRING ME OXYGEN!!! 
And football Oreos.

The couch at 4pm.

This would be my wild child at 4pm this afternoon:

Not sick.  Just tiiiiiiired.

Wow, where do I even begin?  This is just so unexpected. Truly! I mean I know everyone said it was a possibility, but I just didn't think it was possible!  Ok, ok,  I know my time is limited so I will make this quick.   I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all the people who made this happen because I could never have done this alone!  So first and foremost, I'd like to thank God. You've got my back always, don't you?! Much love to you. I'm really sorry I forgot to give up something for Lent this year. Can I jump in the game halfway through?

Another huge thank you goes out to Grandma for the awesome sleepover he enjoyed last night...sorry if he woke up a little early. (but then again, if he didn't, would I be standing here right now?? So maybe I'm just sorry-ish.)

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank his awesome Uncle McDreamy and always delightful Aunt McSister for taking him to the park!  An hour of non-stop football games, relay races, and 100-yard dash contests?  I feel like the real winner here.

Of course, a special shout-out goes to my feathery soft pillow and oh-so-fluffy down comforter.  You've never done me wrong!

And finally, I just want to recognize the amazing Florida weather happening right now with the cool 65-degree breeze blowing through and the heavenly smell of the homemade bread baking in the oven as we speak...the snuggly factor going on in this home right now is ridiculous.  About to break the cozy meter!

Ok, ok, they are telling me to wrap this up because he is starting to stir but a big thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who made this 55 minutes of unexpected peace and quiet possible!  You are the best!  xoxoxoxo

Red Lipstick: Take Two.

Out of all the posts I have ever written on this blog, I find it CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY that this post below is the one that has gotten the most hits ever.

Like blows my Young House Love hits out of the water.  By FAR.
And the funniest part is?
I never even kept my promise to you.
Never posted a pic.
Because I never even bought it.

(I think this is where I am dragged away to blog jail.)

So I promise....PROMISE....to fulfill my end of the deal.  Soon.

**********************************************************************


I've decided I want to welcome red lipstick back into my life again.

For a while, we were on the outs.

I just thought it looked ridiculous and I was into softer, more nude colors.

But I'm bored with nude now.

Similar to the way I am with my hair length, constantly swinging the pendulum between short hair and long, I've decided I want to ditch the softer colors and go for red once in awhile.

But not ridiculous, clown red.

I want Penelope Cruz red.

Now, I do not possess Penelope Cruz beauty, but I do have similar coloring....tan(ish) skin, dark brown eyes, and dark hair.  So I think I might be able to pull this off.  Might.

But as I peruse the plethora of red lipsticks, they all start to look the same and I get all confused and then my attention span gives out.  And I buy a lip gloss instead.

Because anyone who knows me, knows I have a severe addiction to lip gloss.
(Current fav is Smashbox "Pixel")

So this is where you come in:

If you have a red lipstick similar to what Penelope is wearing up there, please share the brand and color name with me!  

And I promise to take a pic to show you all the big red reveal.

Kiss kiss!
(oh no....now I just got red lipstick all over you)

McSister responds.

Hello everyone…I felt it necessary after reading my sister's post about our recent encounter with YHL creators John and Sherry that I defend my name (McSister) and my love of wine.
And, well, give MY side of the story.
The truth, if you will.

So I wake up one fine morning (read: hungover) and receive a series of texts from my sister that involved EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION and overuse of  exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for those of you who think I’m exaggerating:

 I was all like wh-wh-what? John? Sherry? What the What? Oh shoot…..the BLOGGERS?
Or as my sister likes to refer to then: the "New York Times Best Sellers Authors!!!!!!!”

Let me jump back and give everyone the background story of how I even know the names John and Sherry and Young House Love. My darling sister sends me a text around, oh, lets say 4PM on a Tuesday to join her at a blogger book signing.

Yea, that would pretty much be the equivalent of asking me to join her at a sand castle building contest on the Jersey Shore during Hurricane Sandy. Not so fun.
Nothing against John and Sherry or Young House of Pain…er, Love…but I had NO idea who these people were.
But as a good sister I obliged (plus my Husband assured me there would be wine provided).
Two points for Team McSister!!

 Fast forward to the book signing event….

As I approached I saw a beautiful event outdoors with everyone laughing and drinking wine.
I was pleasantly surprised and instantly happy I agreed to such a fabulous event.

Unfortunately, that was NOT our event.

Nope, ours was the one inside. The one with NO wine.
I had a fleeting thought to ditch our event and start mingling with the wine lovers but my sister had spotted me and was frantically waving me over. So I followed another young couple headed in that direction and breezed in through the glass doors towards the book signing event.
And my sister GASPED.

Apparently, I had walked in with John and Sherry.

McMommy: “No you DID NOT just walk in with John and Sherry!!! Squeeeeeee!!!”
McSister: “What? I walked in with who? Them?” (pointing to a very normal couple standing behind us) McMommy: YES!! THAT’S THEM!!! (proceeds to take a million iphone photos of the innocent couple standing to our right)

 I already felt uncomfortable and started thinking…. if only we were AT THE OTHER PARTY….yeah the one outside with all the wine that looked like this….

After a long and interesting Q&A session about John/Sherry/Sherry’s bangs/DIY projects that I would never do or even contemplate doing – it was onto the next portion of this evening: the book signing.

I don’t really know how to explain how my sister was acting but I can only compare her excitement level to something like this:

We were at a Code Red Level of CrazY.

I ,unfortunately, was cast as “photographer” in this scenario and had strict instructions from Ralphie to:

“Get LOTS of photos”
“Keep clicking away, take as many as you can get”
“DON’T be embarrassed if I start talking blogger talk with them – they ARE my friends"

I went from feeling mildly uncomfortable to completely and utterly uncomfortable and I truly felt bad for “our friends” John and Sherry.

I could see through their New York Times Bestseller!! selves and recognize two normal people who probably just wanted a glass of wine on a Tuesday night. But just as I started to relate to them…BAM we were up…and McMommy was on!

Everything happened in a flash, small talk with YHL, sign the book, take the picture, look at the baby look at the baby….okay and we’re done. McMommy was SO excited I got the photo and she had the signed book and I felt all good about myself for being such a dedicated sister and thought FINALLY we can put this behind us and go relax with a glass of wine…..until……

Well, you've read her post about what happens next, haven't you?

Let me just say this:

Yes, my sister audibly SHRIEKED.
Yes, my sister was completely embarrassing.
Yes, Sherry was right--my husband looks like McDreamy.

And let's just all agree.....that last fact right there?
Means one thing......

TEAM McSISTER WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(now please, McMommy, PLEASE  move on from this story. There is life after John & Sherry. In fact, it's called happy hour and I'm going to find it right now. I'll save you a seat.)

The Barre on a Friday Night.

Yes, I'm posting on a Saturday.

I know, I know.
NO ONE reads blogs on the weekend.
And I think I'm breaking some sort of super secret blog-writer pact.

But I had to tell you something very important.

I DID NOT DIE YESTERDAY.

I am here ALIVE....barely moving...but still....
At least there is breath coming in and out of my lungs so that means I'm alive and the world can rejoice. Because you almost lost me to a girl name SaNdeE* and her ballet barre.

Ok, that's not her real name.
But she was exactly like Sarah Jessica Parker from the movie LA Story.
She was little and perky and liked to simultaneously jump and spin around me while yelling ISN'T THISSSSSSSS FUN?!!!!

SaNdeE* is the instructor of a "cardio ballet" class.

Look, I used to take ballet back in the day.  How hard could this class be?
In my head, it was going to be like this:

Well, that was the rest of the class.

I was going to be like this, of course:

I was super excited.
I pictured calm, soft music wafting through the air.
A teacher with a delicate voice telling us to Plié in second position. 
The cardio part?  
Probably some leg extensions or something.  
This is brilliant.  What a great way to ease back into some cardio.  
I should have thought of this class months ago!  

I made a mental note not to forget to call my mom afterwards to invite her to my recital.

So I get to the class and there are only 4 girls, including me.
I immediately labeled them:
High school girl, high school girl's mom, me, and Kim Kardashian.

Then SanDeE* comes breezing in.
IS EVERYONE READY?! (jump, spin, twirl)
HAS ANYONE DONE A CARDIO BALLET CLASS BEFORE? (pirouette, side bend, leap).  

We all murmured no.

And then it began.
Honestly?  It started off FANTASTIC.

I was all: "Wow!  How fun is this?! I can do this. And one...and two...and...I'm reaching...I'm reaching....up-to-the-sky...and one...and two..."

Then SanDeE* announced the warm-up was over.

Um.

I'm not going to go into detail about the next 55 minutes of class.
One word pretty much sums it up:
Suicidal.
Also, SanDeE* hates it when you suggest a "rest break".

At one point, when I was laying on the ballet barre, crying, I peeked at my fellow classmates.

Kim Kardashian's mascara was running down her face.
High School girl's mom needed an oxygen chamber.
High School girl?  Was smiling and kept saying things like "Am I doing this correctly? It barely burns! Is there a more challenging way I should do this?"

I told her yes.  All she has to do is age 19 more years and have two kids.

Look at the baby.

Let's pretend that I am in the hospital and you just came to visit me...

BECAUSE I JUST GAVE BIRTH TO A BLOG.

Here, take the baby.  Snuggle it. Kiss it. Take pics with it. Whatever.

Just pass me the pain killers.

I got this crazy idea in my head back at the beginning of January that I wanted a new layout for this blog.

Wouldn't that be fun?

A fresh start for 2013!

A new look for the new year!

Someone open the windows and let some fresh air into this place!

Someone call the Real Housewives because we are going to botox it up around here!

We are going to DO THIS!  

My goal was simple:  I wanted something lighter. Something new. Something modern. Something blue.

Or wait....maybe yellow.

Possibly grey.

I do love that coral-y orange too.

Ok, ok...here's what I do know: I know I DEFINITELY want a simple font.

With....um.....scripty-ness.  

Hmmm.

On second thought....

Forget fonts.  Let's put those circle-y things with pics inside!

What are they called?  Buttons?

Definitely yellow buttons....

Blue diamonds?

Or purple squares.

Now I'm hungry for a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Needless to say, I could not do this blog re-design alone.  A big thank you goes out to several people who have the patience of a saint to put up with me and all my indecisiveness.  "Do you like the yellow or the blue better? This one or this one? Better 1 or 2?"
I was more annoying than an eye doctor.

Speaking of doctors, I need to say a HUGE thank you to the main one....the big blog plastic surgeon.  He is a friend I have known for seven years via the blog world. He actually used to blog.  Now he is writing books. Show-off! And somehow he made the time to help me with all the techy, code-y stuff on the side, while simultaneously battling the stomach flu.

And I was all: DO NOT GET STOMACH VIRUS GERMS ON MY NEW BABY!!!

(Only in a very sweet voice.  After I thanked him profusely for making this blog so pretty.)

So here it is.....McMommy 2013.

Lighter. More organized. More modern.

Still using blogger (yellow walkman style) but embracing the social media frontier.

Although I still have no idea what Google Plus is.

p.s.  If you are viewing this on a mobile phone, you are actually seeing a different version. You can click "web version" at the bottom of the screen to see the real one.

p.p.s. I'm still not done...still have tweaks around here to make. So you may notice things adjusted and new profile pic, etc in the days ahead. 

p.p.p.s.  Is there a such thing as a p.p.p.s?  

This and that.

1.  Do you love how I go from blogging one day?

To not blogging? For days on end?

How I'm all:  Here's a post! Two days in a row!

Then I'm all:  Oh wait....nevermind, the streak is over. Gee, that was quick.

Yeah, I KNOW.  
It annoys the crap out of me too. 

So I'm sorry for my inconsistent self lately.   
I'll be better tomorrow.  I swear.  
Kind of.
p.s. probably not

2.  I have the 6-week cough.  You know this cough.  The one that lingers for like 2 months even though you feel 100% perfectly healthy and have left the original cold waaaaaaay behind???   It drives me crazy.  
But not as much as all the people who try to tell me it is "allergies".   
And then proceed to go down the laundry list of allergy medicines I should take.  

3. My friend and I went to lunch today.  AT DENNY'S.  I know, don't even ask. 
How we ended up there, I have no idea.  But?  Sitting in a booth not less than 2 feet away from us was Chad Johnson aka Chad Ochocinco.  My friend was all excited because she is a huge fan of guys that get arrested for domestic violence.  
Or maybe she loves football, I'm not sure.  
As for me, I couldn't remember how I knew his name......and then I remembered!  
He bought his Dancing with the Stars partner Cheryl Burke a $10,000 ring!!!!!    
My brain, I tell you, is chock full of extremely important information like this.

4. The weather here has been insanely hot this winter.  So much so that we've been hanging out by the pool, making fish tacos, and washing it all down with a cold glass of white wine.  I'm so seasonally confused.  Do I break out my summer purses to go along with the sundresses I've been wearing throughout the month of January?  By the way and perhaps more importantly, do we still even call them "purses" anymore?  
Or are we calling them "handbags"?  
Is calling it a "purse" like calling a flight attendant a "stewardess"? 
This is too much thinking for me. Someone help. 
And bring a cold glass of white wine while you are at it.  It's blazing hot here. 

5. I'm planning a small birthday party for my son's upcoming 6th birthday.  Lo and behold, the "theme" he wants is actually something that can be bought at a Party City or similar type store.  Not like the "garbage truck party" or "airplane party" themes I've had my children request in the past.  So I thought I would go SKIPPING down the aisle as I loaded up my basket with the easy and oh-so-convenient pre-packaged theme decor.  But instead???   I'm all "That's so tacky. Hmmm.  Forget this store. I'm going to do this birthday party MYSELF.  I'm going to make this theme REALLY NICE. Much more modern. More original.  More....chic.   But um, in a totally boy way."  

My ideas are tremendous.  Overflowing.  Full of possibility.  And wonder. 
And most likely never going to actually happen.
Because let's be honest:  you already know I am going to be running down the aisle at Party City the day before the party, throwing pre-packaged theme plates and decor into my basket while simultaneously throwing chicness out the window. 

And you all are going to be shaking your heads, saying things like "THAT IS SO TYPICAL OF HER.  So much for her new year's resolution of being a planner-in-advancer.  

And why is she carrying a summer purse?!  It's FEBRUARY!"

A Lovers Quarrel

Dear Costco,

I hate you. It's over.

-McMommy

***

Dear McMommy,

What? Don't I at least deserve an explanation?
Hope we can work this out,

Costco


***

Dear Costco,

Reasons I hate you include but are not limited to:

1.) Having to fish out my id card just to walk through your doors. Come ON!! Like you are sooo exclusive and uppity. In case you hadn't noticed...You display your products on PALLETS.

2.) I cannot stand your sorry excuse for a milk jug.



3.) Your checkout lines make me want to commit myself to an insane asylum for suicidal tendencies.

IS THIS SERIOUSLY THE BEST CHECKOUT LINE YOU COULD COME UP WITH?!?
You have an enormous warehouse.
You have hundreds of customers pushing these wide-load carts overflowing with gigantic products. 
AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU COULD DO??
Ten checkout lanes, yet only 5 are actually open.
Lines winding so far back, they are into the product aisles.
And just in case I haven't slit my wrists yet, you now have the self-checkout lane option. "Hey, you know what? Check yourself out. We are way too busy checking membership cards at the front door. Good luck scanning that pallet of rice, buddy."

4.) I know this isn't very green of me to say, but why can't you just throw my raspberries or other delicate produce purchases into a stupid bag? I hate the fact that you just set them back in my cart...where they then get transferred into my trunk...where they are just sitting there all vulnerable and exposed and scared next to the big, bad, 3,000 gallon laundry detergent I just bought.

5.) And the reason I hate you most? My bill. You make me all delirious waiting in that disastrous checkout line. And then the next thing I know, I am signing a bill for $500. And poor McMommy is all "Wha-what? But I hardly bought anything! It was just a 56 count pack of hamburger buns, a freaky gallon of milk, and a bottle of shampoo that weighs 28lbs!!!  How did 3 items total $500?!"

And your response is to basically shove my confused self into the "restaurant" area and be all "Oh, sorry that we just drained your bank account. But ooh look! A hot dog for only $1.50!"


Like I said, I hate you.
-McMommy

***

Dear McMommy,
Whatev. 
100 bucks says you come crawling back when you have your next dinner party.
Suck it,
Costco

The After Party.

So picture this, if you will.

You post about meeting John & Sherry of YHL.
And then walk away from your laptop and do not even pick it up again until Saturday morning because your week was so crazy busy.

You leisurely log-in to your blog, ho-hum.

And suddenly there are ALARMS going off.
With FLASHING LIGHTS.
And CONFETTI.

All pointing to your blog stats:

Yes, you bet your young house love I SHRIEKED.

Because if my blog hits were going crazy off the charts, this could only mean one thing:

John and Sherry had linked to my blog.   

I jumped over to read their Jan 17th blog and will now give you a instant replay of what occurred:

WordswordswordswordsMoreReadingwordswordsMoreReadingblahblahblah
NowSkimmingWordsblahblahblahNowSkimmingWordsblahblahblah
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!THEREISAPICTUREOFUS!!!!!!!!!OMGTHEYLINKEDTOME!!!!
OMGCALLINGMCSISTER!!!!!!!RIGHTNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But first I jumped back over to my blog, to re-read what I had written, of course.
And GASP.
Saw that John had commented.

This is getting out of control.  How much more can my little heart take?!

I called my sister.  Who immediately wanted me to let everyone know that:
a. She says hiiiiii.
b. She is super sweet and nice.  And not at all like my post made her out to be.
c. She will be writing a counter-post to my post.
d. Most likely after a glass of wine.

Ok, fine.  So I added in "D".  But it's probably true.

Needless to say, there has been a ton of blog traffic in McMommyworld. And the timing....oh the timing.
Because I am in the middle of a blog makeover behind the scenes and things are so messy around here! 
I was going to surprise you all with the makeover reveal but now the joke's on me because SURPRISE!!!  
All the guests showed up early to the party and I'm still in my robe, with the towel on my head, brushing my teeth.

So everyone just come in, make yourself a drink, and relax.  
I'm going to put my makeup on so I don't look like this.  
Then? We will REALLY get this party started.

(aka new blog look coming soon....)