The Office.

Sunday, March 17, 2013



My current job is pretty great, but mostly because of the people I work with.
Take last week for example.

Monday, March 11th
9:45am--
As I walk back to my desk, I turn to my co-worker and say "There's a secret message in the bathroom for you. Good luck finding it."

2:00pm--
After extensive looking, she finds it.
I had written "Hi" in the 3 inch layer of dust that was accumulated on the artwork frame hanging on the wall.

2:23pm--
She replies: "There's a response to your secret message in the bathroom for you.  Good luck finding it."

4:47pm--
Secret message found.  ROLLED UP IN THE TOILET PAPER ROLL HOLDER.

The hiding location was brilliant. 
Only problem was that secret message had somehow gotten stuck.
And required a rescue team to dismantle it out.

Awkward moment:  Passing our manager in the hall on our way back to the desk as we tried to hide the toilet paper holder from his sight in order to begin Operation Free the Message.

Operation Free the Secret Message in effect.


Tuesday, March 12th
1:21pm--
I do the Harlem Shake all around my co-worker while she tries to have a serious conversation with a lender.

Wednesday, March 13th
8:45am--
FRONT DESK RECEPTIONIST DOES NOT SHOW UP FOR WORK.
Which is extremely not like him.

9:02am--
We immediately fear the worst.  Co-workers and I refuse to work until he is found.

9:04am--
CSI episode begins (in our heads).

10:21am--
After much debate, we decide on our detective names.
My name will be Esperanza and my co-worker's name will be Geneva.
We think the names sound very foreign and worldy and mysterious.
And not detective-like at all but who cares.

10:23am--
We remember Matt is missing.

11:45am--
We call all the emergency numbers Matt has.  No one answers.  We start to get suspicious.

11:47am--
Geneva googles his address.  And discovers.....GASP!  It's a fake address!!!!!!

11:48am--
Oh wait.  It's a UPS store.  So maybe it's a PO Box or something.

11:50am--
All this detective work is making Esperanza hungry.  We declare we must pause our investigation as it is important to nourish ourselves.  We'll resume after lunch and a People.com break.

1:04pm--
While Geneva works on looking through mug shots on the local police website, Esperanza pens a song called "Remember Matt".
It is sung to the tune of "We Are The World".
Esperanza sings it for Geneva, a la Celine Dion, holding her pretend earpiece while she belts out the tune.


3:06pm--
More theories start getting thrown out:   "He was drugged last night and woke up on a bed of ice in a hotel room. He is missing a kidney now."   We agree to think about donating him one of ours.

4:45pm--
Still no Matt.  The case is as cold as the ice in the hotel bathtub that he may or may not have woken up on.

5:30pm--
QUITTIN' TIME!!!!  Good luck, Matt, wherever you are!


Thursday, March 14th

7:01am---
{Esperanza texts Geneva:}
"OMG. ARE YOU AWAKE?  WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!  News is reporting that a body washed up on shore this morning. Young male in his 20s.  They cannot id him because HE WAS NAKED!!!!!!!"

7:15am---
"OMG. Did he have kidneys?!?!?!"

9:00am---
Esperanza and Geneva determine a missing persons report must be called in.  

9:04am--
Esperanza and Geneva freshen up their make-up.  You know, just in case the cops need to take a statement from them. In front the news camera crew.

9:22am--
"Should we wear a ribbon or something? Maybe tie it to trees around town? Like to remind people of Matt."
"We totally should. Maybe with a slogan like 'Bring Matt Home'. "
"What color should the ribbon be?"
"What color matches what we are wearing today?"

10:30am--
Still no cops.  Or media.

11:32am--Ditto.

1:22pm--Ditto.

2:01pm--
"Maybe we should try texting Matt one more time."

2:02pm--
{Geneva's text to Matt:}
Matt, we have called the police and are about to file a missing person's report.  If you receive this text and are ok, please just text back.  Also, please let us know if you need a kidney."

2:04pm--
OMG HE TEXTED BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{Matt's text to Geneva:}
"I'm fine.  I just quit."

2:05pm--
"HE QUIT?!"
"What a letdown."
"This is the worst ending ever. How boring."
"I wrote that song for nothing."
"Does this mean we have to work again?"

3:23pm--

"GASP!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF MATT'S ABDUCTOR WROTE THAT TEXT????!!!!  TO THROW US OFF FROM CALLING THE POLICE?????"


So yeah.  This week ahead should be fun......

5 Comments!:

  1. Who just quits like that? People are a-holes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait, I'm confused. Who is Matt again? Is Esperanza the killer?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's answered on next week's episode.

      Delete
  3. I am laughing way too loud to be at work! You crack me up every single time! I may or may not move to your area and try to accidentally meet you and become your new friend...mmmmk...

    ReplyDelete

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