Dear Costco,
I hate you. It's over.
-McMommy
***
Dear McMommy,
What? Don't I at least deserve an explanation?
Hope we can work this out,
Costco
***
Dear Costco,
Reasons I hate you include but are not limited to:
1.) Having to fish out my id card just to walk through your doors. Come ON!! Like you are SOOOO exclusive and uppity.
In case you hadn't noticed...You display your products on PALLETS.
So get over yourself with your whole "members only" thing.
2.) It is guaranteed that I will lose my husband....who takes the kids in the cart with him.....every single time we go shopping at your warehouse.
Now if I was in any other store, and my husband wandered off with the kids....I would be IN HEAVEN.
However, your items are GINORMOUS and therefore holding several items in your arms until you find your husband is awkward, uncomfortable, and makes me curse your marketing department for making me believe it's a great deal to buy a 50-gallon can of crushed tomatoes.
3.) I cannot stand your sorry excuse for a milk jug.
4.) Your checkout lines make me want to commit myself to an insane asylum for suicidal tendencies.
IS THIS SERIOUSLY THE BEST CHECKOUT LINE YOU COULD COME UP WITH?!?
You have a flippin' enormous warehouse.
You have hundreds of customers pushing these wide-load carts overflowing with gigantic products. AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU COULD DO??
Ten checkout lanes, yet only 5 are actually open.
Lines winding so far back, they are into the product aisles.
And just in case I haven't slit my wrists yet, how about you make me wait 20 minutes to even see a register in the distance!!
5.) I know this isn't very green of me to say, but why can't you just throw my raspberries or other delicate purchases into a stupid bag? I hate the fact that you just set them back in my cart...where they then get transferred into my trunk...where they are just sitting there all vulnerable and exposed and scared next to the big, bad, 3,000 gallon laundry detergent I just bought.
6.) And the reason I hate you most? My bill. You make me all delirious waiting in that disastrous checkout line. And then the next thing I know, I am signing a bill for $400. And poor McMommy is all "Wha-what? But I hardly bought anything! My husband disappeared with the cart and now my arms are all broken from carrying 3 of your freakishly enormous items and.... How did 3 items total $400?"
And your response is to basically shove my confused self into the "restaurant" area and be all "Oh, sorry that we just drained your bank account. But ooh look! A hot dog for only $1.50!"
Like I said, I hate you.
-McMommy
***
Dear McMommy,
Whatev.
100 bucks says you come crawling back when you have your next dinner party.
Suck it,
Costco
57 Comments!:
That may just have been the best blog post I have ever read. I am still laughing out loud and I couldn't agree with you more!!
You are totally right. Whoever designed those milk jugs (not to mention those lines) deserves a prolonged and painful punishment. I have never held ANY other beverage contained more likely to pour its contents all over the counter rather than into the cup. EVER. And, seriously, who needs 500 paper plates? For any kind of party?
OMG, this was too funny!
I am hooked on Evil Costco because they put one about 5 minutes away and it's usually not very busy during the week. I was going to downgrade from my Executive membership, but then Bad me started spending ... but I agree, the bill at the end always gets me. Who would have ever thought I needed 56 freakin' hotdogs???? But they only cost $5!!!
At least ours doesn't need to see the card at the entrance... they figure you've got to have it to pay on your way out - how refreshing, people who THINK!
FIrst of all, you should cheat on Costco with Sams.
Second of all, just get a second cart.
Third of all, this was flippin hilarious!
oh they just SUCK you in don't they? With their irresistable home made chicken pot pies and their scattered food samples and damn but those peanut butter filled pretzels are just to die for.
I know how you feel, McMommy...I feel the same way about Target!!
Tee hee milk in jugs :)
Also, they are just finishing the new Costco here... it'll be open in a few days and I THINK I WANT IT.
that's too funny! we are still working on the Y2K forks, spoons and knives in boxes of 500...hey, that might be a good post...thanks!
first i love that word GINORMOUS! it's so fun.
second you are sooo right about the milk cartons. just weird. like space milk or something.
third you will sooo be back. i mean hello they have the best cake ever!!
you had me rolling, this was so funny. i think i can speak for all who have ventured into these HUGE MEGA STORES when i say "we hate them too!!!"
thanks for the great laugh :)
I'll just cut and paste this and send it to sam's club. At least BJ's has self checkout. I myself hate having to wait in yet ANOTHER line to have my cart scrutinized over after like you said, they just drained my checking account. And really who is smuggling out a 50 pound jar of mayonnaises? If you can get that under your shirt without anyone noticing good for you. You deserve it.
You are too funny & it's even funnier since we went to Sam's today & experienced the same things.
This is a great post. Love it! I feel the sam way. We have one 3 miles from my house, next to our gym so I kinda use it as a run in and get what I need somethimes and my big monthly trip. I realize how much I spend when I get my executive rebate at the end of the year. Last year it was $262. Wahoo!
You forgot about "no credit cards." BJ's is much more loving. No lines, no id until checkout (in fact you can self check), and will gladly let you charge the $400 on your credit card.
HA HA HA! That last letter from Costo is awesome (and right!)
I wrote a post several months ago about our Costco "route." We're addicted.
I can't get out for under $200 now. Even when I just go in for some sandwich meat and cheese. It might be because the three can package of whip cream finds its way into my cart, along with some books, and oh, say some pretzels covered in chocolate. Things I just throw in as I'm walking towards the check out lines (which in my Costco are amazingly fast). I just figure, you have to pay dearly for heaven.
Grocery shopping in general makes me want to slit my wrists, but this Costco place you speak of sounds horrid. I will avoid it like the plague. Thanks for the heads-up.
PS We have a BJs membership and it is definitely a lot better. Still no bags though.
Costco lures away the little children too -- just like the pied piper. Only the pied piper looks like grandma ladies handing out free samples.
Shoot me as I try to rein my children back and refrain from purchasing spinach filled ravioli that my child has spit back into my hand.
(Although sometimes I abuse poor costco and call the samples 'lunch time")
So dang true, i could have written those letters, and yes i'll be back, dammit!
AMEN! I just had this conversation with my mom last night! I am boycotting buying 4 items and spending $100!
However, ours has gone back to the regular milk gallon. I guess they got your letter.
Where do you live??? My Costco milk come in regular jugs. I buy them in a box of two??
Well...I enjoy Sam's Club and all it's wonderful savings in bulk, but find myself annoyed by the same things.
Mostly, why can you NOT enter the doors w/o a club card?! I mean, it's not like you can check out w/o it!
At Costco, do they check your receipt vs. what's in your cart like they do at Sam's? Ugh! Just put the freakin' registers by the door for crying out loud!!!
Thank you, I really needed to laugh tonight. All that is so true. I had to let our membership go, cause I couldn't afford for them to save me so much money (that and I couldn't figure out where to store all the crushed tomatoes).
Oh my gosh, this totally cracked me up. I was just thinking about borrowing my Mom's card to go get a few things, since they don't even really look at the picture anyhow.
See this is why even with 4 kids we don't belong to one of those 'uppity' clubs ;)
Shopping at Target gets me in enough trouble and I buy at least 6 or 7 items there ;)
We just joined Costco because we got a greatly reduced membership through my husband's company.
Everyone I know LOVES Costco but I have yet to see what is so wonderful about it.
You have to be very careful to make sure you actually aren't overpaying because a lot of the items I see are the same price or higher than Wal-mart - plus you have to buy and store 40 pounds of it!
Dear McMommy,
Your posts are hilarious.
-American Mum
I feel the same way about Sam's club...yet I keep going back. We are suckers, aren't we?
OMG, my friend Carrie hates COSTCO too.
She went and tried to purchase $300 worth of stuff and they declined her check. It wasn't her primary account and they said it was typical of fraud so they declined it to protect her account. She left with nothing, mad.
She went back Saturday to try again and they declined it again!! And wouldn't override it like they told her on the phone from the previous experience. Again left with nothing.
She is also DONE with Costco.
What is the story with the milk jug??? It looks like it got squashed....
I'm right there with you on the milk jug. It is the dumbest thing EVER! I always spill it.
Someone said for you to cheat and go to Sam's. DON'T! From what I'm reading here, they're exactly the same!! Big pallets of stuff, and the longest lines in the world. and you have to show your card to get into Sam's too!! ugh.
I hear ya. Add to the list of my complaints, PARKING. There is never a spot less than one mile away . . . fun with 2 or 3 kids, esp. in bad weather. But, yeah, I still go crawling back, lol.
That put me in a grumpy mood, and debt, and made me feel like I just worked-out, and I haven't been to costco for a year.
OMG- hilarious. I know right? And the "security" lady at the exit door to make sure you haven't swiped a 50 gallon jug of ketchup between the register and the exit.
MY costco has "normal" milk jugs. ha.
Yes, I HATE to get my card out when i first get there, and I HATE to keep my receipt out to show them when I leave. pisses me off.
But in Utah, if you don't have a costco membership, you are basically denied entrance to heaven.
Anytime I leave costco and have spent less then $200 I am proud of myself....
I wish I were there, so that I could hate them with you. ;)
You are FANTASTIC! I love your blog! I just found it and am so glad I did. Love it, lady.
OMG you are hilarious and so totally right!! I have avoided Costco for these very reasons. Sometimes I would go just to buy a cheap book or those Peckles baby Pjs and would have to wait an eternity in the line with a squirming baby and only 2 items. What was I thinking. No more I say!...well not until the need/mood strikes anyways! Curse you Costco!
I couldn't agree more. I made my husband stop watching the game last night to come and read this b/c I was laughing and wanted to share it.
Well said, as I head off to BJ's shortly for 36 rolls of toilet paper and a 10lb bag of chocolate chips!
Omg this was too freakin funny! I always wonder why people say how much money they save at those places and how I always end up spending hundreds of dollars on stuff I probably don't need or that will go bad before I can use it all! Thank god I am not the only one :)
okay..LMAO..too funny. i hate showing my card at the entrance too! am I coming into an exclusive club in LA or something?! you are so right on...
Stay strong.
I broke up with Costco in May and have never looked back.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I not just have this very conversation with my husband as I poured , no, TRIED TO POUR, Mia a glass of milk yesterday morning???? It spilled all over the counter!!! That is the most insane, impractical container of milk I have ever purchased!! I hear ya McMommy!
ps weren't you supposed to come over today for the table/sandbox??
I totally agree about the milk cartons
we don't have a Cosco. we have sams. same thing...i used to love going there until i realized i can get the same stuff, only in smaller packages at walmart. and really why do we need 300 rolls of toilet paper? it would take us 2 yrs to use all of it. you need a warehouse to store everything when you get home!
You are too funny! I must ask...how did you know that I posted this post on my blog? Do you have super human powers?? If so, very cool!!
but they do have free snacks along the way. In fact you could eat lunch there for free everyday if you wanted to.
You. are. hilarious.
I loved this post...so very true.
And so very funny!
Would you hate me if I told you that I have never....been....to Costco??
It's true! Everywhere I have lived we've never had one.
But I am now thinking it is a good thing :)
the hot dogs DO make up for it all!
You make me so glad London has no CostCo!
"displays are on pallets"...haha :)
I don't think one of those milk jugs would even fit in my refrigerator.
Costco is so punk rock! Who knew?
Cosigned on it all... just wait until our boys get older, and start to eat us out of house and home. We'll be there twice a week. JOY!
Well, you made the fatal mistake of taking the husband to Costco with you. That, right there, is the problem. I always spend at least $100 more when mine is with me. :)
Costco is easier (and cheaper) if you leave the kids and hubby home. I have a complete hate/hate relationship with Costco, but find myself crawling back every two weeks.
Post a Comment