Make Me Laugh Monday!

(insert some corny game show music here)

Announcer: "HEY FOLKS! It's time for another edition of.........MAKE ME LAUGH, MONDAY!! Here's our first contestant of the show......MCMOMMY!"

(audience cheers and claps as McMommy walks on stage. Audience murmurs about her fabulously chic outfit and fantastic shoes. Random "WE LOVE YOU, MCMOMMY!" shouts are heard.)

McMommy: "Oh, you are TOO kind! Thank you, thank you...really...please...that's enough...you're embarassing me. Please sit!"

"I SO enjoyed last week's MAKE ME LAUGH MONDAY! So I just had to come back again, today! In fact, I brought TWO laughs for you all! " (Audience goes wild.)

"Hope you enjoy!"

Make Me Laugh #1: GIVING UP WINE

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well, I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

Make Me Laugh #2: WHEN DAD MAKES YOUR PROM DRESS.

(Yes, those are what you think they are.)

Announcer: "For more great laughs, be sure to go check out Absolutely Bananas today!"